My 3.5 year old will pee, but not poop in potty

JB · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 1

We have a 3.5 year old daughter that has been potty trained as far a
pee is concerned for several months. She has full control of her body
bladder and bowels; she wears panties all day and at night, too.
However, she refuses to poop, or even sit on the potty. (She will ask
for a diaper when she needs to poop.)

We have tried "everything" to get her to poop in the potty, without
any luck. We've tried bribes (candy, toys, dress-up clothes), but
they don't seem to do the trick. We have her poop, while wearing her
diaper, in the bathroom and then dump her poop from the diaper into
the potty (so she understands where the poop is suppose to go.) We
have had her sit on the potty while wearing her diaper. We've had her
sit on the potty for 10 min, etc. Each time we put on the potty, she
has a crying fit. (Getting her on the potty is a huge struggle.) She
will say "next time I will poop in the potty", but each time she has
to poop she will cry "I don't want to poop in the potty."

I believe she has more issue with pooping sitting down, then with
losing the diaper. (Even if she has a diaper on, she doesn't want to
sit on the potty.)

All the girls her age seem to already be "poop" potty trained; should
we conitnue to try to get her to poop in the potty or back off? I'd
like to know if anyone else has had a similar experinece and what they
did to get past the issue. Although I know there is no "standard",
for those that take a passive approach, by when do most girls decide
to poop in the potty?

Archived from group: misc>kids

Mary W. · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 395

JB wrote:

>
> All the girls her age seem to already be "poop" potty trained; should
> we conitnue to try to get her to poop in the potty or back off? I'd
> like to know if anyone else has had a similar experinece and what they
> did to get past the issue. Although I know there is no "standard",
> for those that take a passive approach, by when do most girls decide
> to poop in the potty?
>

My daughter is 3y3months old and still has issues with pooping
on the potty - she'll do it sometimes, and sometimes not, so
I really don't have any advice for you (we are currently
rewarding her with Dora tatoos, and its working now, but
the reward system seems to work for awhile then stop working).
We've actually had some success with a poop chart - her picture
with 5 boxes, for each potty poop she gets a sticker. When all
the boxes have stickers, she gets to pick a toy from the store.

Anyway, my point was that it isn't that unusual for 3y+ girls
to not be pooped trained. There are a couple in her daycare
class of that age that are having the same issue. I feel for
you though, and will be watching for the advice you get.

My mom said with my brother, she had the same problem. Her
pediatrician told her that when he was ready, he'd use the
potty. And he was right. One day, he came out of the bathroom
with his pants around his ankles saying to my mom, "Are you
going to wipe me". From that point on he pooped in the potty.
He was 3.5 years.

Mary

Rosalie B. · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 12

"Mary W." wrote:
>JB wrote:
>>
>> All the girls her age seem to already be "poop" potty trained; should
>> we conitnue to try to get her to poop in the potty or back off? I'd
>> like to know if anyone else has had a similar experinece and what they
>> did to get past the issue. Although I know there is no "standard",
>> for those that take a passive approach, by when do most girls decide
>> to poop in the potty?
>>

I never had an issue with this with any of mine that I remember. When
dd#2 was trained for pee at 2.5, she was also trained for poop.

However, I do and my mom did have an issue (not with going in the
potty LOL) with pooping regularly. My mom was mortified because when
she was in school they had to report whether they had a bowel movement
each day, and since she didn't have one everyday, she couldn't say
that she had, so she didn't get a sticker. My dh has a bm every
morning. He thinks it is really weird and somewhat deficient of me
that I don't. Of course when mom and I (and my sister) do have one it
is what my dad used to call an ostrich egg and tended to clog up the
plumbing. It also was a bit painful.

I know one of my grandsons resisted pooping and would say 'it doesn't
hurt yet', but AFAIK he is now trained, and I think his little sister
is about ready, if she isn't already trained - she's 3.5 IIRC.

>My daughter is 3y3months old and still has issues with pooping
>on the potty - she'll do it sometimes, and sometimes not, so
>I really don't have any advice for you (we are currently
>rewarding her with Dora tatoos, and its working now, but
>the reward system seems to work for awhile then stop working).
>We've actually had some success with a poop chart - her picture
>with 5 boxes, for each potty poop she gets a sticker. When all
>the boxes have stickers, she gets to pick a toy from the store.
>
>Anyway, my point was that it isn't that unusual for 3y+ girls
>to not be pooped trained. There are a couple in her daycare
>class of that age that are having the same issue. I feel for
>you though, and will be watching for the advice you get.
>
>My mom said with my brother, she had the same problem. Her
>pediatrician told her that when he was ready, he'd use the
>potty. And he was right. One day, he came out of the bathroom
>with his pants around his ankles saying to my mom, "Are you
>going to wipe me". From that point on he pooped in the potty.
>He was 3.5 years.
>
>Mary

grandma Rosalie

Jeff · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 2091

"JB" wrote in message@posting.google.com...
> We have a 3.5 year old daughter that has been potty trained as far a
> pee is concerned for several months. She has full control of her body
> bladder and bowels; she wears panties all day and at night, too.
> However, she refuses to poop, or even sit on the potty. (She will ask
> for a diaper when she needs to poop.)

Then give her a diaper. For some reason, she doesn't want to poop in the
potty.

Make sure her feet are on a solid surface, like a stool when she poops.
Imagine if you had to poop and a huge toilet and your feet just hung there.
Make sure you don't flush while she is on the toilet (sometimes that scares
kids).

It is far more important that she poops and doesn't try to hold in her poop
than she poops in the potty. If she starts to hold in her poop, you end up
with problems with constipation, which you don't want.

Remember, it is her poop. She will put it where she wants. And she will win
any battles over her poop too (or, more accurately, you'll both lose).

> We have tried "everything" to get her to poop in the potty, without
> any luck. We've tried bribes (candy, toys, dress-up clothes), but
> they don't seem to do the trick. We have her poop, while wearing her
> diaper, in the bathroom and then dump her poop from the diaper into
> the potty (so she understands where the poop is suppose to go.) We
> have had her sit on the potty while wearing her diaper. We've had her
> sit on the potty for 10 min, etc. Each time we put on the potty, she
> has a crying fit. (Getting her on the potty is a huge struggle.) She
> will say "next time I will poop in the potty", but each time she has
> to poop she will cry "I don't want to poop in the potty."
>
> I believe she has more issue with pooping sitting down, then with
> losing the diaper. (Even if she has a diaper on, she doesn't want to
> sit on the potty.)
>
> All the girls her age seem to already be "poop" potty trained;

She is poop trained. She knows when she has to poop, she can hold it and go
when it is time.

> should
> we conitnue to try to get her to poop in the potty or back off? I'd
> like to know if anyone else has had a similar experinece and what they
> did to get past the issue. Although I know there is no "standard",
> for those that take a passive approach, by when do most girls decide
> to poop in the potty?

Let her poop in the diaper. Ask her why she doesn't want to poop on potty.
And model the proper pooping experience for her.

Jeff

Christine Chase · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 10

Potty teaching is a difficult road, I feel your pain. I wish I could offer
good advice, but our 3 year old won't poop OR pee on the potty. Because we
know how sensitive this issue is, we don't push it, but believe me, like
you, we've tried it all. Just don't stress over it, and while we've been no
more successful than you, I truly think that the bigger issue you make of
it, the worse it will be.

Act like you don't care whether or not she goes poop in the potty, but
reiterate to her every few days that pooping in the potty is something
everybody does eventually, whether she does it now or later. If she chooses
later, which she obviously has, so be it. Take it from me, I was potty
trained with spankings and humiliation - it may work, but it has BAD
repercussions. I got spanked every time I messed my pants, and I was not
allowed off the potty until I made pee or poop. This often entailed hours
on the potty, and I ate several meals in the bathroom. My mom brags how I
was completely accident-free within a month. She fails to brag about the
fact that I suffered with UTI's and constipation well into my teen years,
not to mention the hemorrhoids that kept me riding bikes my entire
childhood.

I am convinced that 3 year olds have the strongest resolve of any age
humans. If they don't want to do something, they just aren't going to do
it, regardless of how constipated, hungry, sleep-deprived, or sick their
will renders them.

Good luck
-Christine

8/26/04 4:45 AM, in article
5092d86c.0408252257.788e2c0a@posting.google.com, "JB"
wrote:

> We have a 3.5 year old daughter that has been potty trained as far a
> pee is concerned for several months. She has full control of her body
> bladder and bowels; she wears panties all day and at night, too.
> However, she refuses to poop, or even sit on the potty. (She will ask
> for a diaper when she needs to poop.)
>
> We have tried "everything" to get her to poop in the potty, without
> any luck. We've tried bribes (candy, toys, dress-up clothes), but
> they don't seem to do the trick. We have her poop, while wearing her
> diaper, in the bathroom and then dump her poop from the diaper into
> the potty (so she understands where the poop is suppose to go.) We
> have had her sit on the potty while wearing her diaper. We've had her
> sit on the potty for 10 min, etc. Each time we put on the potty, she
> has a crying fit. (Getting her on the potty is a huge struggle.) She
> will say "next time I will poop in the potty", but each time she has
> to poop she will cry "I don't want to poop in the potty."
>
> I believe she has more issue with pooping sitting down, then with
> losing the diaper. (Even if she has a diaper on, she doesn't want to
> sit on the potty.)
>
> All the girls her age seem to already be "poop" potty trained; should
> we conitnue to try to get her to poop in the potty or back off? I'd
> like to know if anyone else has had a similar experinece and what they
> did to get past the issue. Although I know there is no "standard",
> for those that take a passive approach, by when do most girls decide
> to poop in the potty?
>

CBI · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 98

joe.brown1@mailcity.com (JB) wrote in message news:...
> We have a 3.5 year old daughter that has been potty trained as far a
> pee is concerned for several months. She has full control of her body
> bladder and bowels; she wears panties all day and at night, too.
> However, she refuses to poop, or even sit on the potty. (She will ask
> for a diaper when she needs to poop.)
>
> All the girls her age seem to already be "poop" potty trained; should
> we conitnue to try to get her to poop in the potty or back off?

I would back off. Not all the other kids are potty trained. It is just
that parents tend to "discuss" (read: brag) about how early their kids
trained. They tend to cite the first instance of using the potty and
the ones who train later tend to not pipe up. Probably not that much
more than half of the girls her age are fully potty trained during the
day and fewer than half over night.

She obviously has all the mental and physical requirements to using
the potty. She just doesn't want to do it. It is important that this
not become a battle of wills because, as someone else mentioned, you
will probably lose. Back off some and every once and a while bring up
an inducement - try to bribe her with some reward or just praise.
Often peer pressure can be a big aid - if she sees some of her friends
doing it (and possibly even mentioning that it is something big girls
doing) it might spark some interest in her.

--
CBI

Nikki · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 2518

JB wrote:
> We have a 3.5 year old daughter that has been potty trained as far a
> pee is concerned for several months. She has full control of her body
> bladder and bowels; she wears panties all day and at night, too.
> However, she refuses to poop, or even sit on the potty. (She will ask
> for a diaper when she needs to poop.)

Hunter was similar only he never asked for a diaper. Personally, I'd
completely back off and gladly hand her the diaper (or get her pull-ups that
she can get and put on by herself) and just wait for her to decide it is
time to use the potty. Actually if you go the pull-ups route she might
decide it is more work then is worth it. I'd not mention one word and if
she is still using the diaper after 3 full months you could nonchalantly
offer her some big-girl reward (toy or activity) if she manages to poop in
the potty 5 days in a row or something like that. Then don't mention the
reward. Don't mention if she uses the diaper. Be pleased when she uses the
potty but not overly enthusiastic. Maybe use a sticker on a chart to mark
the success. 5 stickers in a row = reward. If she is anything like my two,
she is never going to use the potty just to please you. It has to be
something she decides. To much enthusiasm freaked Luke out and he became
really self conscious. For Hunter to much enthusiasm made digging in his
heels to annoy us much more fun then using the potty Smile

--
Nikki

Scott · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 17

CBI wrote:
> joe.brown1@mailcity.com (JB) wrote in message news:...
>
>>We have a 3.5 year old daughter that has been potty trained as far a
>>pee is concerned for several months. She has full control of her body
>>bladder and bowels; she wears panties all day and at night, too.
>>However, she refuses to poop, or even sit on the potty. (She will ask
>>for a diaper when she needs to poop.)
>
> >
>>All the girls her age seem to already be "poop" potty trained; should
>>we conitnue to try to get her to poop in the potty or back off?
>
>
> I would back off. Not all the other kids are potty trained. It is just
> that parents tend to "discuss" (read: brag) about how early their kids
> trained. They tend to cite the first instance of using the potty and
> the ones who train later tend to not pipe up.

Ignroing this kind of talk is good practice for the
future as well. After all, you don't want your
daughter dating just cause all the other kids are
dating. You don't want her dieting just because
all the other kids are dieting. You don't want
her driving just because all the other kids are
driving. You don't want her to have a cell phone
just because all the other kids do. You don't want
to read another example, do you? Smile

Yet you do
want her trained just because her friends are?
I realize it simplifies your life (It's also great
when they start to wipe themselves!)

Your DD will train when she wants to -- and that's
the easiest route to take.

Scott DD 11 and DS 8

PF Riley · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 224

On Fri, 27 Aug 2004 01:50:08 EDT, Christine Chase
wrote:
>
>Act like you don't care whether or not she goes poop in the potty, but
>reiterate to her every few days that pooping in the potty is something
>everybody does eventually, whether she does it now or later. If she chooses
>later, which she obviously has, so be it. Take it from me, I was potty
>trained with spankings and humiliation - it may work, but it has BAD
>repercussions. I got spanked every time I messed my pants, and I was not
>allowed off the potty until I made pee or poop. This often entailed hours
>on the potty, and I ate several meals in the bathroom. My mom brags how I
>was completely accident-free within a month. She fails to brag about the
>fact that I suffered with UTI's and constipation well into my teen years,
>not to mention the hemorrhoids that kept me riding bikes my entire
>childhood.
>
>I am convinced that 3 year olds have the strongest resolve of any age
>humans. If they don't want to do something, they just aren't going to do
>it, regardless of how constipated, hungry, sleep-deprived, or sick their
>will renders them.

Hear, hear. Christine speaks from her unfortunate experience.

I would agree with all the advice on this thread. A few more comments:

Refusal to use the potty at this age is often due not to
"stubbornness" but rather to irrational fear. This fear worsens when
she is forced to confront it (e.g., forced to use the potty or
threatened if she doesn't.)

Make sure her stools are soft and painless. When a child has a painful
stool, she may decide not to do it again, and will hold in bowel
movements, making future ones even more painful. Constipation is the
great enemy of potty training. Give her pear juice and a high fiber
diet, and if she still has hard and/or painful stools, talk to her
doctor.

Expanding on this: Never, ever make her feel bad for having passed a
stool, whether it's in a diaper, in her underwear, or on the floor.
She should be praised for letting the stool out, but you can certainly
discuss where to pass it next time. This can prevent retentive
behaviors that are counterproductive.

Finally, trying "baby steps" may be helpful. If she puts on her diaper
and hides in a corner to pass her stool, you can tell her that in your
family, one poops in the bathroom, and have her stand in the bathroom
to do it. Later on, as she gets more comfortable, have her stand right
next to the potty to do it, then perhaps standing on her step-stool in
front of the potty, then maybe sitting on the potty, and finally
sitting on the potty with the diaper off. Take each step only when she
is comfortable with the prior step.

PF

Dragon · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 26

joe.brown1@mailcity.com (JB) wrote in message news:...
> We have a 3.5 year old daughter that has been potty trained as far a
> pee is concerned for several months. She has full control of her body
> bladder and bowels; she wears panties all day and at night, too.
> However, she refuses to poop, or even sit on the potty. (She will ask
> for a diaper when she needs to poop.)

We went through this situation with our son, who finally began to pee
in the potty when he was almost four, had a few accidents outside and
then went on a potty strike until I drew a line in the sand when he
was 4 1/2. I knew he was physiologically ready cuz he would ask for a
diaper whenever he had to go (but get *very* upset if I asked him to
go potty instead). For what it's worth, here's what worked for us:

DS is not a bribe-able kid, so there were no toys or goodies that
would work to get him to use the potty. I spent a few weeks providing
him lots of potty content videos and books (It's Potty Time -- good
because it features older children, Potty Time with Bear, The Potty
Book, etc.) and talked about how, soon, diapers would be all gone. I
picked a day and followed through. He got upset, but went back to
peeing on the potty without too much protest.

However, pooping was another matter. This was a a child who normally
pooped two or three times a day, but he was able to withold his poop
for two days. By that time he looked so uncomfortable before bedtime
I was concerned he wouldn't be albe to get to sleep so I gave him a
diaper, he pooped and I resolved to try again.

Same thing during the next week or so -- more witholding. He would
ask for a diaper, and I would refuse, and he chose to deal with the
discomfort rather than poop in the potty. To make a long story short,
I gave him a diaper for his poops two more times before he finally
tried the potty. At that point he hadn't pooped for three days, and
there was just no stopping it Smile

He really wanted his diaper, but I
just kept repeating, "You can do it! It's going to feel *really* good
to poopoo in the potty, I promise, please try." Well, he did, praise
be! It was never a problem after that first poop in the potty. As
someone else mentioned, I think DS had a fear about letting his poop
go this way that simply had to be faced. Once he did that first time,
he he was fine!

I guess my main point is that I allowed myself to be flexible in terms
of offering him a diaper to poop. I didn't give in unless a few days
had gone by, but I didn't want to let his stools get so big that they
hurt when he passed them. So it took a little over a week between
saying no more diapers and his finally pooping in the potty. Some
folks thought I'd lose what ground I gained by giving in, but I don't
believe that's what happened. I actually think it helped the
situation.

I would NOT advocate forcing the child to sit until they go. I think
that would simply make them fear you and the experience itself. It
may be that you need to back off, as others have noted, and give your
daughter a little more time. When you're ready to try again, don't do
what didn't work before, but something else instead: if she's been
using the toilet, get her a potty chair (kids *do* like to have both
feet on the ground when they poop -- good for pushing don'cha know
Smile

; if she's afraid of her potty chair, get her a cushy seat for the
toilet...

Believe me, if my son had been as far along as your DD is at 3 1/2 I'd
have been in heaven! There's still time to get this done, and I wish
you all the best!

dragon

Catherine Woodgold · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 1506

JB (joe.brown1@mailcity.com) writes:
> All the girls her age seem to already be "poop" potty trained; should
> we conitnue to try to get her to poop in the potty or back off? I'd
> like to know if anyone else has had a similar experinece and what they
> did to get past the issue. Although I know there is no "standard",
> for those that take a passive approach, by when do most girls decide
> to poop in the potty?

I think having her do it in the bathroom is a good idea, as you're
doing. I would suggest backing off and not forcing her to do
anything she's very uncomfortable with. I don't think offering
candy will do much good; I would suggest not mentioning
candy any more in relation to this. I think she already
wants to do it the right way, but it's just very difficult
to learn a new way.

Here's an idea (I haven't tried it); you could cut a very small
hole in the diaper, and have her poop in the diaper while
standing or squatting or standing with knees slightly bent,
very close to the potty. It may help to use a very small
potty. Then, each time you can make the hole slightly bigger.
If this works, then one time some of the poop will fall into
the potty and you can then praise her for that. (I suggest
calm, low-key praise. Too much praise puts pressure on the
child to do the same again next time, which they may not
have control over.) You can just keep on making the hole
very slightly bigger each time and it will probably work
out. You have to make the change slowly enough so she has
time to get used to the new method.

You might consider increasing her vitamin C intake, which
helps prevent constipation and makes the bowel movements
smoother. This would tend to make it easier for her
to poop at all, which I think would make any transition
easier too. Giving her lots of fruit to eat
(prunes?) would have a similar effect I think.
--
Cathy

Catherine Woodgold · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 1506

"Rosalie B." (gmbeasley@mindspring.com) writes:
> Of course when mom and I (and my sister) do have one it
> is what my dad used to call an ostrich egg and tended to clog up the
> plumbing. It also was a bit painful.

I wonder if you've tried increasing your vitamin C intake
to "bowel tolerance" levels.
--
Cathy

Catherine Woodgold · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 1506

CBI (00doc@mindspring.com) writes:
> She obviously has all the mental and physical requirements to using
> the potty.

I disagree. People generally don't have complete control
over their pooping and peeing -- especially not little children.
In order to poop, a person may need to get into the situation
they're accustomed to while pooping; just as a lot of people
have trouble falling asleep if there is more noise or less noise
than usual or other things are different.

In order to poop in the potty she needs to develop the
neural connections which associate sitting on the potty
with pooping. Before these connections are formed, it may
be impossible to poop on the potty; or it may be painful
to poop on the potty because only some of the muscles are
trying to poop while other muscles are getting signals
not to poop.

Pooping in a diaper in a sitting position would be difficult
and uncomfortable.

Maybe pooping in a sitting position on the potty would
be painful. Things might stretch in a way she's not
accustomed to.
--
Cathy

Gemma Nicholls · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 3

My daughter is 3 and went through a short spell of not wanting to sit on the
potty.

As long as she is not constipated then i can see no reson why she would not
like to poo sitting down.

I know with my daughter the more effort we made and the more time that we
spent explaing to her why she should sit on the potty the more of an issue
it became.

I would advise that as long as she is aware of the resons why she should poo
on the potty then you would be better off ignoring the issue for a while and
act like its fine. I would however leave the potty out in a room that she
plays in often so that she can still see it, dont mention it but move it
around to different possisions in the room so she is aware of its presence.
If she mentions it you can say you thought it looked nice there or
something, or even make up a un-toliet related game with it so she becomes
comfortable with it and doesnt assosiate it with the constant issue of
pooping!

Over time when she seems more comfortable with the potty you could use it as
a chair to watch her favorate telivision programmes on. Or encorporate into
other pastimes she enjoys.

Duering this time you could try taking her to the toliet with you, and maybe
spend time at friends houses with children who are using the potty. I
wouldnt mention anything to her, just let her see what others do.

Most children want to be like their mummys and their friends and she will
probably ask if she can poop on the potty/toilet one day like you, daddy or
a friend.

Untill then i would try to relax about it with the belife that it will sort
its self out eventually, and there is no point making it a battle ground as
it will only put her off further.

If you decide to do this you should also tell well-meaning grand parents and
other relsons of your plans to ignore the issue as if they are enything like
mine they just can help themselves!

You could also try getting her a childs toilet seat in case she just doesnt
like sitting on the potty.

I hope this helps and wish you luck. And just to end my daughter is now
happily using the toilet and forgotton all about the past problems with it!
And im sure your will soon.

Gemma