Suggestions wanted re: getting children to listen the FIRST

ajpdla · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 14

I would be interested in suggestions from folks on here as to what's worked
for your children in terms of gettnig them to listen the first time when
asked to do something. I am sure my wife and I have "trained" ours (6 1/2
year old son; 4 year old daughter) NOT to listen because of our lack of
follow-through. Needless to say, we both want those days to be gone.

So let's hear those suggestions. Should we: Hotsauce them? Spank them?
Ground them? Sit them in a corner? Or just the simplest thing: Get up and
lead them through the task step by step until they get the message?

TIA

Aaron

P.S. We tried the hotsaucing thing once for sassing back about three months
ago. That problem has not presented itself again since, we both are
thankful for, on both sides of the coin considering the outcome of the first
punishment.

Archived from group: alt>parenting

Sue Larson · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 103

I have a six year old, too. I wouldn't hotsauce them, spank them, ground
them, sit them in a corner, etc. You will just make things worse for
yourself and your child, plus, they will just begin to secretly dislike you
(remember how you felt when your parent did this to you as a kid! Don't
insult your child by justifying your parents' abusive actions towards you as
a kid.) I always ask my daughter nicely for whatever it is I'm asking and
she does whatever it is (most of the time). If she doesn't, I'll ask what
the problem is, talk to her about it and explain to her why what needs to be
done needs to be done, etc. Whenever she asks me to do something, I always
respond positively, be it doing whatever it is she needs, or if it's not
possible, offering up another solution to meet whatever need she is looking
for. Tit for tat.
This has to start from day one, though. If not, then there will be a
problem. Depending upon how things have been handled in the past will give
you a clue as to why and how things are happening now (and in the future).

Susan
"ajpdla" wrote in message@corp.supernews.com...
> I would be interested in suggestions from folks on here as to what's
worked
> for your children in terms of gettnig them to listen the first time when
> asked to do something. I am sure my wife and I have "trained" ours (6 1/2
> year old son; 4 year old daughter) NOT to listen because of our lack of
> follow-through. Needless to say, we both want those days to be gone.
>
> So let's hear those suggestions. Should we: Hotsauce them? Spank them?
> Ground them? Sit them in a corner? Or just the simplest thing: Get up
and
> lead them through the task step by step until they get the message?
>
> TIA
>
> Aaron
>
> P.S. We tried the hotsaucing thing once for sassing back about three
months
> ago. That problem has not presented itself again since, we both are
> thankful for, on both sides of the coin considering the outcome of the
first
> punishment.
>
>

Carlson LaVonne · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 636

I didn't "train" my children, I parented them. I didn't expect them to
"listen the first time when asked to do something" because I wanted them
to be independent thinkers.

I never hot-sauced, spanked, grounded, or sat them in a corner. I
didn't believe in punishment, shame, and humiliation. I believed in
teaching.

My girls are now 21 and 25, and I look at them, and I look at their
lives, and I am so glad I never resorted to what you suggest in this post.

LaVonne

ajpdla wrote:

> I would be interested in suggestions from folks on here as to what's worked
> for your children in terms of gettnig them to listen the first time when
> asked to do something. I am sure my wife and I have "trained" ours (6 1/2
> year old son; 4 year old daughter) NOT to listen because of our lack of
> follow-through. Needless to say, we both want those days to be gone.
>
> So let's hear those suggestions. Should we: Hotsauce them? Spank them?
> Ground them? Sit them in a corner? Or just the simplest thing: Get up and
> lead them through the task step by step until they get the message?
>
> TIA
>
> Aaron
>
> P.S. We tried the hotsaucing thing once for sassing back about three months
> ago. That problem has not presented itself again since, we both are
> thankful for, on both sides of the coin considering the outcome of the first
> punishment.
>
>

ajpdla · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 14

"Sue Larson" wrote in message @comcast.com...
> (remember how you felt when your parent did this to you as a kid!)

Actually, no, I don't. Not that I've blocked it out; I just don't remember.

> This has to start from day one, though. If not, then there will be a
> problem. Depending upon how things have been handled in the past will give
> you a clue as to why and how things are happening now (and in the future).

Well, while I DO thank you for your experiences as you have related them,
I'm still left to wonder how to approach MY situation. If you are saying I
can get a second Day One (and I'm sure I can), then we're square. But, I
feel that you've really just repeated what I've already said, just in
different words. Thanks, anyway.

Aaron

> "ajpdla" wrote in message
> @corp.supernews.com...
>> I would be interested in suggestions from folks on here as to what's
> worked
>> for your children in terms of gettnig them to listen the first time when
>> asked to do something. I am sure my wife and I have "trained" ours (6
>> 1/2
>> year old son; 4 year old daughter) NOT to listen because of our lack of
>> follow-through. Needless to say, we both want those days to be gone.
>>
>> So let's hear those suggestions. Should we: Hotsauce them? Spank them?
>> Ground them? Sit them in a corner? Or just the simplest thing: Get up
> and
>> lead them through the task step by step until they get the message?

ajpdla · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 14

"Carlson LaVonne" wrote in message $fgr$1@lenny.tc.umn.edu...
>I didn't "train" my children, I parented them. I didn't expect them to
>"listen the first time when asked to do something" because I wanted them to
>be independent thinkers.
>
> I never hot-sauced, spanked, grounded, or sat them in a corner. I didn't
> believe in punishment, shame, and humiliation. I believed in teaching.
>
> My girls are now 21 and 25, and I look at them, and I look at their lives,
> and I am so glad I never resorted to what you suggest in this post.
>
> LaVonne

Good for you. You might be a better parent than I am, I think.

Aaron

P.S. You did train them, though. Classically.

Carlson LaVonne · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 636

Aaron,

I didn't post this to be a better parent than anyone. I oppose hitting,
hurting, shaming, or demeaning a child in the name of discipline.

And I didn't "train them classically" if you understand classical
conditioning.

LaVonne

ajpdla wrote:

> "Carlson LaVonne" wrote in message
> $fgr$1@lenny.tc.umn.edu...
>
>>I didn't "train" my children, I parented them. I didn't expect them to
>>"listen the first time when asked to do something" because I wanted them to
>>be independent thinkers.
>>
>>I never hot-sauced, spanked, grounded, or sat them in a corner. I didn't
>>believe in punishment, shame, and humiliation. I believed in teaching.
>>
>>My girls are now 21 and 25, and I look at them, and I look at their lives,
>>and I am so glad I never resorted to what you suggest in this post.
>>
>>LaVonne
>
>
> Good for you. You might be a better parent than I am, I think.
>
> Aaron
>
> P.S. You did train them, though. Classically.
>
>

Greegor · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 664

Insults from Steve Walz?

Look, Steve, when I said Ultraliberal KOOK, I
am sorry if I offended you. Really I am. Smile

Just because I jeer at your package position,
being an atheist and a knee jerk ultraliberal,
does not make me ""religious"" by the way! Smile

I happen to be deliberately agnostic.

Please insult me some MORE, Steve!

Maybe someday you will get found out for
the FAKE you are, and then I will be able
to TREASURE every insult you once hurled!

As it is, I treasure most of your insults anyway.

Are you any relation to Kane?
You swear in public like him/they/it.

Maybe, like him, you can pretend that you
are emotionally, psychologically or socially
superior, as you SWEAR A LOT?

I like that part. Smile

The calm, cool, in control, advocate of superior
techniques of psychology and child socialization,
who proves what a refined individual he is
BY SWEARING PROFUSELY hoping to get his way.

Sorry, but that really DOES look like some brat
with Oppositional Defiant Disorder who was not
spanked resoundingly, and so saw
discipline as a FARCE and grew up rebellious
and amoral, seeing MANIPULATION as everything.

As a poster child for non-spanking techniques,
your SWEARING is a real winner!

Thousands of parents who believed against
spanking, just decided NOT to rule out spanking
just because they saw your VULGARITY in public.
Did you think parents want their kids to be
like you?? The thug like threatening comments
about your kids beating up mine?
Is that what a non-spanker wants to create?
Criminal Assault?

Will your kids be singing Smashing Pumpkins?
"The world is a vampire.....
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage!"

R. Steve Walz · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 1906

Greegor wrote:
>
> Just because I jeer at your package position,
> being an atheist and a knee jerk ultraliberal,
> does not make me ""religious"" by the way! Smile

--------------------------
If you think you're either of those you should sue your
school for malpractice.

> The calm, cool, in control, advocate of superior
> techniques of psychology and child socialization,
> who proves what a refined individual he is
> BY SWEARING PROFUSELY hoping to get his way.
----------------------------
Your immature blather. Which words are used is
wholly irrelevant. The "dirty" words that frighten
you so much are merely emphatic punctuation.

> Sorry, but that really DOES look like some brat
> with Oppositional Defiant Disorder who was not
> spanked resoundingly, and so saw
> discipline as a FARCE and grew up rebellious
> and amoral, seeing MANIPULATION as everything.
---------------------------------
ODD is a myth created by abusers to explain the result of their
abuse upon children by calling their damaged victims "abnormal".

You're like the pro-Ritalin freaks who want to dope all their
kids when it's actually secretly because they can't stand kids.

Your sick manipulation is quite real.

> As a poster child for non-spanking techniques,
> your SWEARING is a real winner!
--------------------------------
You're fixated on "dirty" words, a symptom of your
severe neurosis. People using words that you were
beaten for using, and getting away with it, gives
you nervous fits.

> Thousands of parents who believed against
> spanking, just decided NOT to rule out spanking
> just because they saw your VULGARITY in public.
---------------------------
Trust me, anyone with your fithy word neurosis
can never give up assaulting their children.

> Did you think parents want their kids to be
> like you?? The thug like threatening comments
> about your kids beating up mine?
---------------------------
You mean after you threatened mine with yours?

> Is that what a non-spanker wants to create?
> Criminal Assault?
------------------------------
No, I want people like you beaten to death if you persist
inyour criminal abuse of children.

> Will your kids be singing Smashing Pumpkins?
> "The world is a vampire.....
> Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage!"
-------------------------------------
They never liked punk rock or rap, they thought it sounded stupid.
Steve

Someone · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 6

ajpdla wrote:
> I would be interested in suggestions from folks on here as to what's worked
> for your children in terms of gettnig them to listen the first time when
> asked to do something. I am sure my wife and I have "trained" ours (6 1/2
> year old son; 4 year old daughter) NOT to listen because of our lack of
> follow-through. Needless to say, we both want those days to be gone.
>
> So let's hear those suggestions. Should we: Hotsauce them? Spank them?
> Ground them? Sit them in a corner? Or just the simplest thing: Get up and
> lead them through the task step by step until they get the message?
>
> TIA
>
> Aaron
>
> P.S. We tried the hotsaucing thing once for sassing back about three months
> ago. That problem has not presented itself again since, we both are
> thankful for, on both sides of the coin considering the outcome of the first
> punishment.
>
>
or a good way to find out if they are allergic to hot sauce.

Tori M. · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 1153

>> P.S. We tried the hotsaucing thing once for sassing back about three
>> months ago. That problem has not presented itself again since, we both
>> are thankful for, on both sides of the coin considering the outcome of
>> the first punishment.
> or a good way to find out if they are allergic to hot sauce.

That would not work with my daughter.. she LOVES hot food.. She eats foods
spicier then I do.

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Xavier 10/27/04

Kane · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 126

Tori M. wrote:
> >> P.S. We tried the hotsaucing thing once for sassing back about
three
> >> months ago. That problem has not presented itself again since, we
both
> >> are thankful for, on both sides of the coin considering the
outcome of
> >> the first punishment.
> > or a good way to find out if they are allergic to hot sauce.
>
> That would not work with my daughter.. she LOVES hot food.. She eats
foods
> spicier then I do.

The way to get a kid to listen to you the first time is to have two
things: something important to them that you say, and secondly, to have
a level of trust high enough they naturally listen to you.

All other force based attempts are power struggles and control battles
that they child will win, even if it takes 18 or so years. But in the
meantime a few, especially the more gentle souls that are secretly
terrified of you, will put on a lovely smiling face of loving pretense.
Just put a good strong lock on your bedroom door and you should be
okay.

But then I have to ask...what's so important about a child listening to
you
"the FIRST time?"

My wife doesn't and she and I love each other deeply. We laugh a lot
about how we have to call twice, and more loudly, to get the other to
dinner, or when we are ready to leave and go somewhere.

What IS this animal training desire in human parents that can destroy
parent child bonds so fouly?
Kane

>
> Tori
>
> --
> Bonnie 3/20/02
> Xavier 10/27/04

Tori M. · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 1153

> But then I have to ask...what's so important about a child listening to
> you
> "the FIRST time?"

I dont know that it is important.. odd.. I always thought I would be the
parent that I am *wanting* to be but slipping into the parent I am used to..
KWIM? It is like I have the knowlage but not how to implament it...
hopefully I will have a grasp of it before itis time to start homeschooling.

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Xavier 10/27/04

Someone · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 6

Tori M. wrote:
>>But then I have to ask...what's so important about a child listening to
>>you
>>"the FIRST time?"
>
>
> I dont know that it is important.. odd.. I always thought I would be the
> parent that I am *wanting* to be but slipping into the parent I am used to..
> KWIM? It is like I have the knowlage but not how to implament it...
> hopefully I will have a grasp of it before itis time to start homeschooling.
>
> Tori
>
work on your grammar & spelling before you homeschool as well. :0

Tori M. · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 1153

"Someone" wrote in message $wZ2.57@newssvr13.news.prodigy.com...
> Tori M. wrote:
>>>But then I have to ask...what's so important about a child listening to
>>>you
>>>"the FIRST time?"
>>
>>
>> I dont know that it is important.. odd.. I always thought I would be the
>> parent that I am *wanting* to be but slipping into the parent I am used
>> to.. KWIM? It is like I have the knowlage but not how to implament it...
>> hopefully I will have a grasp of it before itis time to start
>> homeschooling.
>>
>> Tori
>>
> work on your grammar & spelling before you homeschool as well. :0
sorry.. I type holding a 12 lb turkey;).. I have a hard time explaining what
I thinking in proper English;) My brain does not work that way. I was
hoping to relearn grammar when I started home schooling with Bonnie;)
Believe it or not I do very well writing letters just not online.. for some
reason the net makes me dumb;)

Tori

Greegor · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 664

Ah, Steve, every bit as diplomatic as.... Kane!

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