instant single parent of my 18 year old son!

lbrtchx · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 2

Hi,
~
my 18 year old son came from overseas less than 2 months ago
~
He wanted to come to the idea that he had about "America". He
occupies his mind with a great deal of hip-hop and reggaeton.
~
I had been noticing how much different his personality is from mine
even before he got here, but I never expected for things to go out of
control so fast so soon
~
Basically he doesn't listen to what you are trying to tell him and I
am not so good at being persuasive. Just trying to make him understand
that he may not go to dancing places/where they sell alcoholic
beverages till he is 21 and that he is not supposed to go to school
wearing his oversize earrings has been tough to me
~
Just taking about these matters to me is incredibly taxing now
imagine talking about it to your own son and in a persuasive way
without losing your temper/getting angry at some point
~
How do people cope with these issues? Any manuals for "instant
daddies"?

Thanks
lbrtchx

Archived from group: alt>support>single-parents

Dan Abel · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 22

In article ,
lbrtchx@hotmail.com wrote:

> The second part I kind of understand (at least the "legal" part of
> it), but unless you are God for Windows Vista I wonder what makes you
> feel like you can read a whole situation out of a statement as harsh
> as it may sound to you. What exactly makes you think I am an idiot I
> would like to know. Hey! Maybe I am by just taking the time to reply
> to you!

Could be. Of course there was no way for you to know. Steve doesn't
need to know anything about your situation, he has the same canned
speech for every parent.

R. Steve Walz · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 1906

Dan Abel wrote:
>
> In article ,
> lbrtchx@hotmail.com wrote:
>
> > The second part I kind of understand (at least the "legal" part of
> > it), but unless you are God for Windows Vista I wonder what makes you
> > feel like you can read a whole situation out of a statement as harsh
> > as it may sound to you. What exactly makes you think I am an idiot I
> > would like to know. Hey! Maybe I am by just taking the time to reply
> > to you!
>
> Could be. Of course there was no way for you to know. Steve doesn't
> need to know anything about your situation, he has the same canned
> speech for every parent.
------------------
Quite right, the issues are always the same, when I find they differ,
I will tell you. ;->
Steve

Gini · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 81

"R. Steve Walz" wrote
................................

> But as another adult,
> you have the right to evict him, but NOT the right to violate his
> his human rights, OR "quiet enjoyment of the premises" as long as
> you permit him to live there, and like any other adult it would
> require 30 days written notice and maybe a formal notice to quit
> the premises taken out at the courthouse to remove him legally.
==
Not if he isn't charging him rent (or other contractural basis for his
tenancy).
Absent that, he can be removed at any time as an "unwanted person."

lbrtchx · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 2

> But as another adult, you have the right to evict him, but NOT the right to violate his his human rights, OR "quiet enjoyment of the premises" as long as you permit him to live there, and like any other adult it would require 30 days written notice and maybe a formal notice to quit the premises taken out at the courthouse to remove him legally.
~
Well, that shows clearly see you must be out of your mind. I would
never EVER run him out of my apt. He has been in America for less than
two months, that would be total abuse! I would never do that to him
since even as difficult as he is he still doesn't have a true sense of
reality in America
~
Also since you like "legal talks" let me tell you that the legalities
and complexity of bringin your children from overseas are complicated
by a variety of legal issues as well. For example, he may not become a
burden of any kind till he becomes a citizen (in at least three years)
if he does uncle Sam expediently sends the bill to you. So it is not
so easy legally either
~
> To teach someone to walk, you let them walk. If we tried to teach children to walk in detail by regimen, they might be ONLY halfway good at it by the time they were ten!! Experience is always the best teacher.
~
I do agree with you on that count, but still there is still
"parenting" (even in a purely animal) and societal sense and there is
something namely called love
~
lbrtchx

R. Steve Walz · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 1906

Gini wrote:
>
> "R. Steve Walz" wrote
> ...............................
>
> > But as another adult,
> > you have the right to evict him, but NOT the right to violate his
> > his human rights, OR "quiet enjoyment of the premises" as long as
> > you permit him to live there, and like any other adult it would
> > require 30 days written notice and maybe a formal notice to quit
> > the premises taken out at the courthouse to remove him legally.
> ==
> Not if he isn't charging him rent (or other contractural basis for his
> tenancy).
> Absent that, he can be removed at any time as an "unwanted person."
--------------------
No. In California and most states, once a person has had unopposed
residency, whether for no rent or not, they have established
that as their legal residence and are protected by eviction law
requirements to get them out. In law, an "unwanted person" as
you say, must be immediately opposed or else they DO INDEED
acquire the status of a resident and then are protected by
eviction requirements. It varies by state, but some require as
little as two weeks and then it requires eviction proceedings!!!
Steve

R. Steve Walz · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 1906

lbrtchx@hotmail.com wrote:
>
> > But as another adult, you have the right to evict him, but NOT the right to violate his his human rights, OR "quiet enjoyment of the premises" as long as you permit him to live there, and like any other adult it would require 30 days written notice and maybe a formal notice to quit the premises taken out at the courthouse to remove him legally.
> ~
> Well, that shows clearly see you must be out of your mind. I would
> never EVER run him out of my apt. He has been in America for less than
> two months, that would be total abuse! I would never do that to him
> since even as difficult as he is he still doesn't have a true sense of
> reality in America
> ~
> Also since you like "legal talks" let me tell you that the legalities
> and complexity of bringin your children from overseas are complicated
> by a variety of legal issues as well. For example, he may not become a
> burden of any kind till he becomes a citizen (in at least three years)
> if he does uncle Sam expediently sends the bill to you. So it is not
> so easy legally either
> ~
> > To teach someone to walk, you let them walk. If we tried to teach children to walk in detail by regimen, they might be ONLY halfway good at it by the time they were ten!! Experience is always the best teacher.
> ~
> I do agree with you on that count, but still there is still
> "parenting" (even in a purely animal) and societal sense and there is
> something namely called love
> ~
> lbrtchx
------------------
I am failing to see why you think he's a problem then, if you love
him so much.
Steve

hoodelean · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 1

On Jul 1, 12:37?pm, "R. Steve Walz" wrote:
> lbrt...@hotmail.com wrote:
>
> > > But as another adult, you have the right to evict him, but NOT the right to violate his his human rights, OR "quiet enjoyment of the premises" as long as you permit him to live there, and like any other adult it would require 30 days written notice and maybe a formal notice to quit the premises taken out at the courthouse to remove him legally.
> > ~
> > Well, that shows clearly see you must be out of your mind. I would
> > never EVER run him out of my apt. He has been in America for less than
> > two months, that would be total abuse! I would never do that to him
> > since even as difficult as he is he still doesn't have a true sense of
> > reality in America
> > ~
> > Also since you like "legal talks" let me tell you that the legalities
> > and complexity of bringin your children from overseas are complicated
> > by a variety of legal issues as well. For example, he may not become a
> > burden of any kind till he becomes a citizen (in at least three years)
> > if he does uncle Sam expediently sends the bill to you. So it is not
> > so easy legally either
> > ~
> > > To teach someone to walk, you let them walk. If we tried to teach children to walk in detail by regimen, they might be ONLY halfway good at it by the time they were ten!! Experience is always the best teacher.
> > ~
> > I do agree with you on that count, but still there is still
> > "parenting" (even in a purely animal) and societal sense and there is
> > something namely called love
> > ~
> > lbrtchx
>
> ------------------
> I am failing to see why you think he's a problem then, if you love
> him so much.
> Steve- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

I only want to say this, your son is new to this country? I feel that
in it self should give him reason to rebel! New sourroundings new
country new customs new people!!! What alot to consider! This young
adult has to be treated as if he is 10 and not 18 at this time, he is
lost in a new place and with someone he knows only as his father,but
how long were you and he seperated? That to must be taken in to
consideration as well, it is like he is testing the waters so to speak
and needs to know the limits in which you will let him balance! This
is alot for one to take in and deal with all at once and now you wish
he get off his butt and get a job to pay his way? Oh,boy alot you
expect from him in such a short time!! I can say if you take the time
to talk to him as if you are a concerned parent/friend and listen to
what he likes to do and watch maybe you can put him in a direction to
help get a job started. You can always ask the neighbor or a friend at
your job for help and see where that gets you. I would reconsider the
eviction thing though because he came here for a reason from another
place and is lost and confussed! These things I say are only a
opinion. You can take it or leave it. Thanks for reading it!

R. Steve Walz · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 1906

hoodelean@yahoo.com wrote:
>
> On Jul 1, 12:37?pm, "R. Steve Walz" wrote:
> > lbrt...@hotmail.com wrote:
> >
> > > > But as another adult, you have the right to evict him, but NOT the right to violate his his human rights, OR "quiet enjoyment of the premises" as long as you permit him to live there, and like any other adult it would require 30 days written notice and maybe a formal notice to quit the premises taken out at the courthouse to remove him legally.
> > > ~
> > > Well, that shows clearly see you must be out of your mind. I would
> > > never EVER run him out of my apt. He has been in America for less than
> > > two months, that would be total abuse! I would never do that to him
> > > since even as difficult as he is he still doesn't have a true sense of
> > > reality in America
> > > ~
> > > Also since you like "legal talks" let me tell you that the legalities
> > > and complexity of bringin your children from overseas are complicated
> > > by a variety of legal issues as well. For example, he may not become a
> > > burden of any kind till he becomes a citizen (in at least three years)
> > > if he does uncle Sam expediently sends the bill to you. So it is not
> > > so easy legally either
> > > ~
> > > > To teach someone to walk, you let them walk. If we tried to teach children to walk in detail by regimen, they might be ONLY halfway good at it by the time they were ten!! Experience is always the best teacher.
> > > ~
> > > I do agree with you on that count, but still there is still
> > > "parenting" (even in a purely animal) and societal sense and there is
> > > something namely called love
> > > ~
> > > lbrtchx
> >
> > ------------------
> > I am failing to see why you think he's a problem then, if you love
> > him so much.
> > Steve- Hide quoted text -
> >
> > - Show quoted text -
>
> I only want to say this, your son is new to this country? I feel that
> in it self should give him reason to rebel! New sourroundings new
> country new customs new people!!! What alot to consider! This young
> adult has to be treated as if he is 10 and not 18 at this time, he is
> lost in a new place and with someone he knows only as his father,but
> how long were you and he seperated? That to must be taken in to
> consideration as well, it is like he is testing the waters so to speak
> and needs to know the limits in which you will let him balance! This
> is alot for one to take in and deal with all at once and now you wish
> he get off his butt and get a job to pay his way? Oh,boy alot you
> expect from him in such a short time!! I can say if you take the time
> to talk to him as if you are a concerned parent/friend and listen to
> what he likes to do and watch maybe you can put him in a direction to
> help get a job started. You can always ask the neighbor or a friend at
> your job for help and see where that gets you. I would reconsider the
> eviction thing though because he came here for a reason from another
> place and is lost and confussed! These things I say are only a
> opinion. You can take it or leave it. Thanks for reading it!
---------------------
You're a complete idiot! You obviously know NOTHING about teenagers!!
Your formula is the EXACT FORMULA FOR DISASTER!!
Steve

--
-Steve Walz rstevew@armory.com ftp://ftp.armory.com/pub/user/rstevew
Electronics Site!! 1000's of Files and Dirs!! With Schematics Galore!!
http://www.armory.com/~rstevew or http://www.armory.com/~rstevew/Public

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