Spoke too soon (hypothetical pg ment)

lkl1008 · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 403

So months ago I came on here and said that DH and I decided that our
family was complete, and I was so completely ok with this decision,
and that I felt so fortunate to have our wonderful girls after trying
for 5 years, and that I didn't ever want to get on the tx
rollercoaster again, yada yada yada. Yeah...

Then I got the paperwork to donate our 4 frozen embryos. And I
started filling it out. And I started to feel anxious about it. And
then I started to cry about it. And then DH and I had a very long
conversation about it. Turns out I'm not as ok with the decision as I
thought. I spoke to the donor coordinator today and she said that if
you have any doubt, just wait. DH said "We'll pay storage fees until
you are 80 if you aren't sure you want to give them up." So sweet.

We have an appointment with our RE next tuesday to talk about FET
cycles. I can't believe it, but I feel like this is right. I don't
know when we'll do a cycle or if it will work, but I'm ready to start
thinking about it again. I guess my RE and peri were right... they
both said not to make any drastic reproductive decisions within the
first year of the girls' births. Hope you are all well, Leighann

Archived from group: alt>infertility>parenting

Jamie Clark · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 5208

Leighann,
It's always interesting when we *think* we know how we feel about something
until we are actually faced with it.

One possibility, which is sort of in between being all done and going back
on the TTC rollercoaster full force is to give these particular embies a
chance via FET, and if it doesn't work, then so be it. But at least you
will have given them a chance. You could do it in 2 FET cycles if the
embies defrost okay, putting 2 in each try.

Rather than pay for storage for who knows how long, or donating them to
strangers (which I have no problem with and encourage, but only if you are
comfortable with it, if not, then definitely don't do it), giving them the
chance at life in your womb seems like a nice solution. If it works out,
then you will have another child (or two). If it doesn't work out, then
your embies will have died in their mother's womb, which seems better than
staying frozen for who knows how long.

Just something to think about. Good luck.

--

Jamie Clark

wrote in message @y5g2000hsf.googlegroups.com...
> So months ago I came on here and said that DH and I decided that our
> family was complete, and I was so completely ok with this decision,
> and that I felt so fortunate to have our wonderful girls after trying
> for 5 years, and that I didn't ever want to get on the tx
> rollercoaster again, yada yada yada. Yeah...
>
> Then I got the paperwork to donate our 4 frozen embryos. And I
> started filling it out. And I started to feel anxious about it. And
> then I started to cry about it. And then DH and I had a very long
> conversation about it. Turns out I'm not as ok with the decision as I
> thought. I spoke to the donor coordinator today and she said that if
> you have any doubt, just wait. DH said "We'll pay storage fees until
> you are 80 if you aren't sure you want to give them up." So sweet.
>
> We have an appointment with our RE next tuesday to talk about FET
> cycles. I can't believe it, but I feel like this is right. I don't
> know when we'll do a cycle or if it will work, but I'm ready to start
> thinking about it again. I guess my RE and peri were right... they
> both said not to make any drastic reproductive decisions within the
> first year of the girls' births. Hope you are all well, Leighann

mar66rus2 · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 113

On Jan 23, 11:59 am, "Jamie Clark" wrote:
> Leighann,
> It's always interesting when we *think* we know how we feel about something
> until we are actually faced with it.
>
> One possibility, which is sort of in between being all done and going back
> on the TTC rollercoaster full force is to give these particular embies a
> chance via FET, and if it doesn't work, then so be it. But at least you
> will have given them a chance. You could do it in 2 FET cycles if the
> embies defrost okay, putting 2 in each try.
>
> Rather than pay for storage for who knows how long, or donating them to
> strangers (which I have no problem with and encourage, but only if you are
> comfortable with it, if not, then definitely don't do it), giving them the
> chance at life in your womb seems like a nice solution. If it works out,
> then you will have another child (or two). If it doesn't work out, then
> your embies will have died in their mother's womb, which seems better than
> staying frozen for who knows how long.
>
> Just something to think about. Good luck.
>
> --
>
> Jamie Clark
>
> wrote in message
>
> @y5g2000hsf.googlegroups.com...
>
>
>
> > So months ago I came on here and said that DH and I decided that our
> > family was complete, and I was so completely ok with this decision,
> > and that I felt so fortunate to have our wonderful girls after trying
> > for 5 years, and that I didn't ever want to get on the tx
> > rollercoaster again, yada yada yada. Yeah...
>
> > Then I got the paperwork to donate our 4 frozen embryos. And I
> > started filling it out. And I started to feel anxious about it. And
> > then I started to cry about it. And then DH and I had a very long
> > conversation about it. Turns out I'm not as ok with the decision as I
> > thought. I spoke to the donor coordinator today and she said that if
> > you have any doubt, just wait. DH said "We'll pay storage fees until
> > you are 80 if you aren't sure you want to give them up." So sweet.
>
> > We have an appointment with our RE next tuesday to talk about FET
> > cycles. I can't believe it, but I feel like this is right. I don't
> > know when we'll do a cycle or if it will work, but I'm ready to start
> > thinking about it again. I guess my RE and peri were right... they
> > both said not to make any drastic reproductive decisions within the
> > first year of the girls' births. Hope you are all well, Leighann- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

I think this is the same exact reason why I cannot have DH go for a
vasectomy yet. I think if we would of had a boy then it would be
definete. But we didn't. I feel now we are done, but I know that it
might change. I wish you the best of luck and hope that it goes well!

April

erica74 · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 20

On Jan 23, 11:00 am, lkl1...@hotmail.com wrote:
> So months ago I came on here and said that DH and I decided that our
> family was complete, and I was so completely ok with this decision,
> and that I felt so fortunate to have our wonderful girls after trying
> for 5 years, and that I didn't ever want to get on the tx
> rollercoaster again, yada yada yada. Yeah...
>
> Then I got the paperwork to donate our 4 frozen embryos. And I
> started filling it out. And I started to feel anxious about it. And
> then I started to cry about it. And then DH and I had a very long
> conversation about it. Turns out I'm not as ok with the decision as I
> thought. I spoke to the donor coordinator today and she said that if
> you have any doubt, just wait. DH said "We'll pay storage fees until
> you are 80 if you aren't sure you want to give them up." So sweet.
>
> We have an appointment with our RE next tuesday to talk about FET
> cycles. I can't believe it, but I feel like this is right. I don't
> know when we'll do a cycle or if it will work, but I'm ready to start
> thinking about it again. I guess my RE and peri were right... they
> both said not to make any drastic reproductive decisions within the
> first year of the girls' births. Hope you are all well, Leighann

Very interesting turn of events! hehe. I agree that it's hard to be
faced with the decision in the first year of their lives, especially
with twins. No matter how many kids you want, that first year, your
lives have changed so much it's easy to be like "We can't imagine ever
doing this again".

Take your time figuring it out. It does kinda stink that we have to
think SO hard about when and if we want to try to have more kids. I
guess that's what infertility does to you.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey.

Cindi - HappyMamatoThree · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 740

wrote in message @y5g2000hsf.googlegroups.com...
> So months ago I came on here and said that DH and I decided that our
> family was complete, and I was so completely ok with this decision,
> and that I felt so fortunate to have our wonderful girls after trying
> for 5 years, and that I didn't ever want to get on the tx
> rollercoaster again, yada yada yada. Yeah...

Finality never has to be as final as it sounds.

I hope you that you and DH can makesome great decisions about these four
little frozen possibilities. Either way, you have the BEST of my luck and
prayers, and you have the most warm and fuzzy hopefulls I can come up with.
If there is another little babe ready to join your family then we will give
you our undying love and support all the way to those first baby pictures
and all the ones to follow.

Hey we already love you, DH, and your lovely baby girls, so a few more would
be a blessing to your family.

Supporting your choices from start to finish.

Cindi
>
> Then I got the paperwork to donate our 4 frozen embryos. And I
> started filling it out. And I started to feel anxious about it. And
> then I started to cry about it. And then DH and I had a very long
> conversation about it. Turns out I'm not as ok with the decision as I
> thought. I spoke to the donor coordinator today and she said that if
> you have any doubt, just wait. DH said "We'll pay storage fees until
> you are 80 if you aren't sure you want to give them up." So sweet.
>
> We have an appointment with our RE next tuesday to talk about FET
> cycles. I can't believe it, but I feel like this is right. I don't
> know when we'll do a cycle or if it will work, but I'm ready to start
> thinking about it again. I guess my RE and peri were right... they
> both said not to make any drastic reproductive decisions within the
> first year of the girls' births. Hope you are all well, Leighann

whodunit · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 508

lkl1008@hotmail.com wrote:
> So months ago I came on here and said that DH and I decided that our
> family was complete, and I was so completely ok with this decision,
> and that I felt so fortunate to have our wonderful girls after trying
> for 5 years, and that I didn't ever want to get on the tx
> rollercoaster again, yada yada yada. Yeah...
>
> Then I got the paperwork to donate our 4 frozen embryos. And I
> started filling it out. And I started to feel anxious about it. And
> then I started to cry about it. And then DH and I had a very long
> conversation about it. Turns out I'm not as ok with the decision as I
> thought. I spoke to the donor coordinator today and she said that if
> you have any doubt, just wait. DH said "We'll pay storage fees until
> you are 80 if you aren't sure you want to give them up." So sweet.
>
> We have an appointment with our RE next tuesday to talk about FET
> cycles. I can't believe it, but I feel like this is right. I don't
> know when we'll do a cycle or if it will work, but I'm ready to start
> thinking about it again. I guess my RE and peri were right... they
> both said not to make any drastic reproductive decisions within the
> first year of the girls' births. Hope you are all well, Leighann

{{{Hugs}}}

I hope you are successful again in the future when you try again!
I thought when I had Maya I was through as well, and really didn't
have any yearnings until my unsuccessful pg in 2002, when those
yearnings came back like driving into a brick wall. :*(

Glad you will have an opportunity to try again, and such a supportive
DH! :*) He's a keeper. :*)

Carolyne in TX

Snittens · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 373

wrote>
> We have an appointment with our RE next tuesday to talk about FET
> cycles. I can't believe it, but I feel like this is right. I don't
> know when we'll do a cycle or if it will work, but I'm ready to start
> thinking about it again. I guess my RE and peri were right... they
> both said not to make any drastic reproductive decisions within the
> first year of the girls' births. Hope you are all well, Leighann

That is so true. If you had asked me during the first year if we would have
more, I would have said no way! Now we are talking about how we want to
bring another into the family, if we want to go back to IVF or adopt (we
don't have any frozen embies). Good luck with everything!

--
-Kelly
see my babies: http://snittens.shutterfly.com

JP · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 592

You know Leighann, I'm on the other end of this right now. I just sent
the paperwork out to donate our two frozen blasts from our successful
IVF 7 years ago. It's bittersweet, even knowing that our family is
complete. It's the finality of it for me, I think. I have known that
they are there, if something happened to DH, if we wanted more children
and were again unable to conceive, if, if. But, we are 100% sure now. We
have three beautiful children, we have passed into our 40's, we aren't
going to have anymore, period. Ironically, DH, who was sure of this much
before I was (he would have been happy with just one, though he's
tickled to death that we have three) forgot to initial all the pages in
the paperwork, so back it came today Wink

I guess we get a second chance
to rethink it (just kidding).

Your DH sounds like a great guy. Mine said the same thing, even after
our second child was born (without treatment). You'll know when the time
is right, to try again, or to donate them. I bet your ladies would make
great big sisters Wink

I'm sure that especially with twins, making any
kind of decision about having more children during the first year (or
two!) would be difficult.

Good luck in whatever you decide,
JP

lkl1008@hotmail.com wrote:
> So months ago I came on here and said that DH and I decided that our
> family was complete, and I was so completely ok with this decision,
> and that I felt so fortunate to have our wonderful girls after trying
> for 5 years, and that I didn't ever want to get on the tx
> rollercoaster again, yada yada yada. Yeah...
>
> Then I got the paperwork to donate our 4 frozen embryos. And I
> started filling it out. And I started to feel anxious about it. And
> then I started to cry about it. And then DH and I had a very long
> conversation about it. Turns out I'm not as ok with the decision as I
> thought. I spoke to the donor coordinator today and she said that if
> you have any doubt, just wait. DH said "We'll pay storage fees until
> you are 80 if you aren't sure you want to give them up." So sweet.
>
> We have an appointment with our RE next tuesday to talk about FET
> cycles. I can't believe it, but I feel like this is right. I don't
> know when we'll do a cycle or if it will work, but I'm ready to start
> thinking about it again. I guess my RE and peri were right... they
> both said not to make any drastic reproductive decisions within the
> first year of the girls' births. Hope you are all well, Leighann

MareCat · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 693

It's a very good idea to hold off on making any final decisions about TTC
again until after the first year of your baby's life (especially if you have
multiples). We were on the fence to try for another until Rayna was about
2yo or so.

Take all the time you need. Best of luck in making your decision!

Mary
--
Mommy to three wonderful, IUI miracle girls:
Rayna Marie (a.k.a. Bayne) 1/20/03 (@ 40 weeks, 8 lbs. 10 oz.)
Kyra Nicole (a.k.a. Kere Bear) 9/20/06 (@ 37 weeks, 8 lbs. 4 oz.)
Camille Elizabeth (a.k.a. Cammy) 9/20/06 (@ 37 weeks, 6 lbs. 3 oz.)
New photos uploaded 1/26/08!
http://s152.photobucket.com/albums/s167/MareCat/Jan08/

wrote in message @y5g2000hsf.googlegroups.com...
> So months ago I came on here and said that DH and I decided that our
> family was complete, and I was so completely ok with this decision,
> and that I felt so fortunate to have our wonderful girls after trying
> for 5 years, and that I didn't ever want to get on the tx
> rollercoaster again, yada yada yada. Yeah...
>
> Then I got the paperwork to donate our 4 frozen embryos. And I
> started filling it out. And I started to feel anxious about it. And
> then I started to cry about it. And then DH and I had a very long
> conversation about it. Turns out I'm not as ok with the decision as I
> thought. I spoke to the donor coordinator today and she said that if
> you have any doubt, just wait. DH said "We'll pay storage fees until
> you are 80 if you aren't sure you want to give them up." So sweet.
>
> We have an appointment with our RE next tuesday to talk about FET
> cycles. I can't believe it, but I feel like this is right. I don't
> know when we'll do a cycle or if it will work, but I'm ready to start
> thinking about it again. I guess my RE and peri were right... they
> both said not to make any drastic reproductive decisions within the
> first year of the girls' births. Hope you are all well, Leighann

lkl1008 · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 403

Thank you guys for all your replies. I'm looking forward to our
appointment with my wonderful RE on Tuesday to discuss all our options
about these 4 little embryos. When we feel our family is complete, if
we still have embies left over, we will definitely donate them to
another infertile couple... I just can't believe that I'm now
questioning whether our family is complete. I'm sure dealing with
secondary IF (if we do decide to use the embies or start TTC-ing again
with whatever treatments), is going to be somewhat easier since I have
two amazing girls and I no longer have the question "Will I be a
mommy?" but now its "Will I be a mommy to another child?" Anyway,
thank you for all your support. You ladies are just the best! -
Leighann

butterflyluvr · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 128

On Jan 23, 8:00 am, lkl1...@hotmail.com wrote:
> So months ago I came on here and said that DH and I decided that our
> family was complete, and I was so completely ok with this decision,
> and that I felt so fortunate to have our wonderful girls after trying
> for 5 years, and that I didn't ever want to get on the tx
> rollercoaster again, yada yada yada. Yeah...
>
> Then I got the paperwork to donate our 4 frozen embryos. And I
> started filling it out. And I started to feel anxious about it. And
> then I started to cry about it. And then DH and I had a very long
> conversation about it. Turns out I'm not as ok with the decision as I
> thought. I spoke to the donor coordinator today and she said that if
> you have any doubt, just wait. DH said "We'll pay storage fees until
> you are 80 if you aren't sure you want to give them up." So sweet.
>
> We have an appointment with our RE next tuesday to talk about FET
> cycles. I can't believe it, but I feel like this is right. I don't
> know when we'll do a cycle or if it will work, but I'm ready to start
> thinking about it again. I guess my RE and peri were right... they
> both said not to make any drastic reproductive decisions within the
> first year of the girls' births. Hope you are all well, Leighann

Wow! Crazy isn't it? If we didn't have frozen embryos left we might be
more ready to be done too, but it just seems to change everything.
But, I think that's where we'll stop. It would just be too hard (and
expensive!) to go through any more fresh cycles. And, with adoption it
just seems like such a long process. We have had too much stress in
our lives for a long time now! But, who knows, we could change our
minds again tomorrow - lol! Anyway, good luck!

Butterflyluvr

yellowgirl · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 41

What about keeping them in storage for now, and trying naturally for
awhile? That is kinda what I've been thinking of doing, if and when
we decide to have more. We've got 2 in storage, which is not a lot,
but if I don't have to cycle again I'd rather not. (Then of course
I'll have the agony of dealing with the frozens!). I'm probably very
naive to think after all this time "natural" would work, but even so
(and since I'm on the wrong side of many odds) we always use
protection right now to *not* have "Irish twins".

My problem is DH thinks we should be done and not tempt fate again,
and I'd love another. I think. Depends on the day! Some days I see
the value in an "only"-- we wouldn't have to worry about sibling
rivalry, wouldn't have to make tough financial decisions about daycare/
extracurriculars/college, etc, and then I think, "it will all work out
somehow". But, DH is older than me too, and doesn't want to be doing
the Dad thing into his retirement, which I understand. We've agreed
to discuss it again after Lily is one. Should make for interesting
times.

Sorry to hijack your thread!

YG

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