Daughters father just re-entered...

Chelly · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 1

I'm new here -looking for support where-ever I can find it. Here's my long
story summarized:
My daughters father wanted nothing to do with her and did not until last
yr. By then he and I had both moved to different states. He came to visit
us 3 times to try to get to know his daughter -she was 9 yrs old at the
time of the first meeting. It has always been just me and her -no extended
family, uncles, grandpa's or male role models of any kind. Since that
first meeting both he and I have relocated back to where it all began and
he paid for our move so that he and his daughter can build a relationship
(he finally grew up)! Now that all 3 of us are settled, our schedules with
here kicked in, her room at his house fully stocked with clothes etc. she
has begun to rebel about this going on. Her first weekend with him she
called me crying to pick her up -the dad finally brought her home since he
didn't know what to do or how to handle her. My daughter and I had a 3
hour conversation/yelling match/tears/etc. in regards to love,
forgiveness, anger, and letting someone in your heart. She still has a lot
of anger towards him not being there for her entire 10 years of life. She
is uncomfortable around him because she does not have any idea how to
relate to a man -or a stranger she is supposed to love. SHe has had her
life change in every direction because of our move across the US so she
can have her dad in her life (and I can have some help for the first time
in 10 yrs). I am in the middle trying to teach both of them how to
communicate with one another and set boundaries and teach each of them who
the other is. I am going crazy. I lost it with her dad the other day over
somethign stupid he did and said to her that made her retreat once again
and not want to let him him. He is trying -he really is -but when will it
get easier? I have contacted her school counseler hoping that may help
since my daughter doesn't really want to talk to me about it. Anyone out
there that has gone through this that can give me some advise, pointers,
help, or at least encouragment? I love them both and want the best for my
daughter but not sure how to help her with her anger and fear and closed
heart.
Thank you!

Archived from group: alt>support>parents>with-custody

news.comcast.net · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 1

I have never gone thru that directly but the only advise I can give you that
I am sure most would agree with is NOT to push it.

I would even set up a time for the THREE of you to go out bowling or
something (NOT a movie- do something where they have to "interact and
talk" ), let her get to know him in the presense of someone that she does
feel comfortable with. you have to let her "build" that relationship over
time. I can tell you it wont happen over night.

My mother did not meet her "father" till she was 19 for the very first time,
and from what I was told it was very akward. That took place in 1965 well
her and her dad have since built a relationship and see each other at least
once a year and talk about once a month. (she would see him more but they
live 7 hrs apart). He is also in his early 90's today. My mother was his
ONLY daughter/child.

Robert

"Chelly" wrote in message @localhost.talkaboutsupport.com...
> I'm new here -looking for support where-ever I can find it. Here's my long
> story summarized:
> My daughters father wanted nothing to do with her and did not until last
> yr. By then he and I had both moved to different states. He came to visit
> us 3 times to try to get to know his daughter -she was 9 yrs old at the
> time of the first meeting. It has always been just me and her -no extended
> family, uncles, grandpa's or male role models of any kind. Since that
> first meeting both he and I have relocated back to where it all began and
> he paid for our move so that he and his daughter can build a relationship
> (he finally grew up)! Now that all 3 of us are settled, our schedules with
> here kicked in, her room at his house fully stocked with clothes etc. she
> has begun to rebel about this going on. Her first weekend with him she
> called me crying to pick her up -the dad finally brought her home since he
> didn't know what to do or how to handle her. My daughter and I had a 3
> hour conversation/yelling match/tears/etc. in regards to love,
> forgiveness, anger, and letting someone in your heart. She still has a lot
> of anger towards him not being there for her entire 10 years of life. She
> is uncomfortable around him because she does not have any idea how to
> relate to a man -or a stranger she is supposed to love. SHe has had her
> life change in every direction because of our move across the US so she
> can have her dad in her life (and I can have some help for the first time
> in 10 yrs). I am in the middle trying to teach both of them how to
> communicate with one another and set boundaries and teach each of them who
> the other is. I am going crazy. I lost it with her dad the other day over
> somethign stupid he did and said to her that made her retreat once again
> and not want to let him him. He is trying -he really is -but when will it
> get easier? I have contacted her school counseler hoping that may help
> since my daughter doesn't really want to talk to me about it. Anyone out
> there that has gone through this that can give me some advise, pointers,
> help, or at least encouragment? I love them both and want the best for my
> daughter but not sure how to help her with her anger and fear and closed
> heart.
> Thank you!
>

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