Arghhh...!!! I totally need to vent!!!

butterflyluvr · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 128

Ok, I love being a mom, but these days I dread night-time and trying
to get Kayla to go to sleep. Haley has great sleep habits and most
nights will go to sleep between 8-9pm (and stay asleep) without a
struggle. A lot of the time I can even put her in her crib still awake
and she will smile up at me and then go to sleep on her own after I
leave the room. I started off trying to get them to have a bedtime
maybe about a month ago when I started figuring out their tired
signals for naps and bedtime. Haley took to it after a little work and
consistency, but Kayla is another story. For about 2 weeks straight I
did the same bedtime routine with both of them. Bottle around 7pm,
ready to go to sleep between 8-9pm. I would rock Haley first and put
her down, then Kayla and put her down. Kayla would wake up after no
more than 20 minutes so I would rock her back to sleep. She would
continue to wake up for 2-4 hours straight before she finally gave up
and stayed asleep for at least 3 hours. So we're talking for 2 weeks
straight it would take me 2-4 hours each night (from about 8pm-
midnight) to get Kayla to sleep. After those 2 weeks and no luck in
getting her to see what bedtime means I threw in the towel. I am so
frustrated. Now I just take her to bed with me and sneak her into her
bed after she's asleep, but it's usually late which means no quality
time for DH and I, and it makes for a very tired and drained mommy. I
was just looking for about an hour of time with my DH at night before
our bedtime, but that hasn't happened yet. I guess it's just
frustrating because it would have happened by now if Kayla was as easy
as Haley. And, then I hate it when people get annoyed at me for being
frustrated because "I wanted this" - ugh! It doesn't mean I shouldn't
still have the right to moan and groan over how hard it can be. And,
even though I know there is no way an infant can be malicious
sometimes I feel like she is secretly snickering under her breath
because she's won - lol! Basically I think she really just wants to be
in my bed and not in her crib (she's the most attached to me of the
two), and I feel like I was not strong enough to see it through. Is
she just not ready yet? I have tried not giving solids right before
bed, making sure their nap or naps are at good times during the day so
as not to interfere with bedtime, making sure they are not overtired
at night, rolling blankets to tuck around their lower bodies,
sometimes DH has better luck getting them to sleep (sometimes),
etc..., etc... HELP!!! It is just emotionally draining after my day is
over to have to deal with this every night. Also, Kayla is a major
spitter upper after most every meal, while Haley has only spit up
twice in the past month! I get puked on many times every day. And,
even though it's usually a small amount each time in comparison to how
much of her food she keeps down it is still very frustrating to smell
like puke every day. Now, this may be part of why she has trouble
going to sleep at night, but I think it is very suspicious that even
on the occasional day that she doesn't have puking problems she still
has sleeping problems, and even when her tummy seems upset she will
most times go right to sleep in my bed. Even naps are difficult unless
I lay with her in my bed first. I have decided to call her
pediatrician tomorrow (he has been trying different things for her
puking such as medication/gentleease formula, etc...). And, any tips
or ideas from you guys would be much appreciated! Thanks for listening
to my rant!

Butterflyluvr

P.S. Mid-post I had to get up three times to go put Kayla back to
sleep - and the saga continues...!!!

Archived from group: alt>infertility>parenting

MareCat · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 693

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

Vent away, dear! You've earned the right to do that. This parenting stuff is
HARD! Wink

We dealt with something similar with Kyra until she was about six months
old. She wouldn't settle to sleep until midnight or so every night. (Once
she finally fell asleep, though, she'd sleep straight through for about 10
hours. Cammy was the one who would wake up a couple of times during the
night for many months.) We'd have to feed Kyra at least 12 oz. before bed,
and she would only sleep in a swing (she didn't transition to a crib until
she was eight months old). DH and I didn't have any quality time at all,
because we were up so late with Kyra and then had to crash right after she
fell asleep. It's very hard, I know...

You could try not picking Kayla up once you've laid her down in her crib the
first time. When she wakes up 20 minutes later, go to the crib and rub her
back, telling her it's night-night time and she needs to go back to sleep.
(It's not actually having her cry it out, since you're not letting her cry
all alone. She'll know that mommy/daddy is there for her, but now is the
time for her to go back to sleep.) It might take several nights of doing
this, but hopefully once she learns that she's not going to be picked up
again and again, she'll start sleeping for longer stretches of time, until
she's finally sleeping straight through.

Also, you might want to pick up a copy of _The No-Cry Sleep Solution_, by
Elizabeth Pantley. I found lots of good tips in that book.

Good luck and hang in there!

Mary
--
Mommy to three wonderful, IUI miracle girls:
Rayna Marie (a.k.a. Bayne) 1/20/03 (@ 40 weeks, 8 lbs. 10 oz.)
Kyra Nicole (a.k.a. Kere Bear) 9/20/06 (@ 37 weeks, 8 lbs. 4 oz.)
Camille Elizabeth (a.k.a. Cammy) 9/20/06 (@ 37 weeks, 6 lbs. 3 oz.)
New photos uploaded 1/26/08!
http://s152.photobucket.com/albums/s167/MareCat/Jan08/

"butterflyluvr" wrote in message @s12g2000prg.googlegroups.com...
> Ok, I love being a mom, but these days I dread night-time and trying
> to get Kayla to go to sleep. Haley has great sleep habits and most
> nights will go to sleep between 8-9pm (and stay asleep) without a
> struggle. A lot of the time I can even put her in her crib still awake
> and she will smile up at me and then go to sleep on her own after I
> leave the room. I started off trying to get them to have a bedtime
> maybe about a month ago when I started figuring out their tired
> signals for naps and bedtime. Haley took to it after a little work and
> consistency, but Kayla is another story. For about 2 weeks straight I
> did the same bedtime routine with both of them. Bottle around 7pm,
> ready to go to sleep between 8-9pm. I would rock Haley first and put
> her down, then Kayla and put her down. Kayla would wake up after no
> more than 20 minutes so I would rock her back to sleep. She would
> continue to wake up for 2-4 hours straight before she finally gave up
> and stayed asleep for at least 3 hours. So we're talking for 2 weeks
> straight it would take me 2-4 hours each night (from about 8pm-
> midnight) to get Kayla to sleep. After those 2 weeks and no luck in
> getting her to see what bedtime means I threw in the towel. I am so
> frustrated. Now I just take her to bed with me and sneak her into her
> bed after she's asleep, but it's usually late which means no quality
> time for DH and I, and it makes for a very tired and drained mommy. I
> was just looking for about an hour of time with my DH at night before
> our bedtime, but that hasn't happened yet. I guess it's just
> frustrating because it would have happened by now if Kayla was as easy
> as Haley. And, then I hate it when people get annoyed at me for being
> frustrated because "I wanted this" - ugh! It doesn't mean I shouldn't
> still have the right to moan and groan over how hard it can be. And,
> even though I know there is no way an infant can be malicious
> sometimes I feel like she is secretly snickering under her breath
> because she's won - lol! Basically I think she really just wants to be
> in my bed and not in her crib (she's the most attached to me of the
> two), and I feel like I was not strong enough to see it through. Is
> she just not ready yet? I have tried not giving solids right before
> bed, making sure their nap or naps are at good times during the day so
> as not to interfere with bedtime, making sure they are not overtired
> at night, rolling blankets to tuck around their lower bodies,
> sometimes DH has better luck getting them to sleep (sometimes),
> etc..., etc... HELP!!! It is just emotionally draining after my day is
> over to have to deal with this every night. Also, Kayla is a major
> spitter upper after most every meal, while Haley has only spit up
> twice in the past month! I get puked on many times every day. And,
> even though it's usually a small amount each time in comparison to how
> much of her food she keeps down it is still very frustrating to smell
> like puke every day. Now, this may be part of why she has trouble
> going to sleep at night, but I think it is very suspicious that even
> on the occasional day that she doesn't have puking problems she still
> has sleeping problems, and even when her tummy seems upset she will
> most times go right to sleep in my bed. Even naps are difficult unless
> I lay with her in my bed first. I have decided to call her
> pediatrician tomorrow (he has been trying different things for her
> puking such as medication/gentleease formula, etc...). And, any tips
> or ideas from you guys would be much appreciated! Thanks for listening
> to my rant!
>
> Butterflyluvr
>
> P.S. Mid-post I had to get up three times to go put Kayla back to
> sleep - and the saga continues...!!!

Jamie Clark · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 5208

Hugs Butterflyluvr. I think it must be doubly frustrating since you have
*one* baby who is making parenting so easy, so you have a direct contrast to
what it could be like for you, if you only had one baby, or if your twins
had the same disposition. Where as if you only had 1 like Kayla or 2 with
her disposition, you would know nothing different, you know?

I have no real solutions for you, unfortunately. Some babies just need
more/less sleep than others, or have different wake sleep cycles. I can't
remember how old they are (sorry, I have mush for brains these days), but it
may just be too soon for HER. I'd continue doing what you are doing for
Haley, and at least take advantage of that easy bedtime sleep routine. Have
you tried baths at night for Kayla? Sometimes a bath can help sooth and
calm the baby. Another option would be to keep Kayla awake longer after you
put Hayley to bed, perhaps another hour or two. Heck, if she's going to be
up and down for the next few hours anyway, you might as well keep her up on
purpose, and perhaps she'll not only be happier during those two hours and
thus easier on you, but maybe then she'll be tired and more able to go to
sleep at the later bedtime without as much work. I wouldn't worry at this
point about the timing of her bedtime, but more of seeing if you can get her
established into some sort of routine with it. Once she has a handle on the
routine (even if part of the routine is rocking her until she is asleep and
then putting her in the crib), then you can work on moving the bedtime up
closer and closer to Haley's.

Is there anyway that dh can take certain days on a regular basis, like every
Friday/Saturday/Sunday night, so that you have a few nights off? DH used to
take certain nights for me, and I'd go sleep in the guest room with ear
plugs. I called it spending the night at Holiday Inn. Getting close to a
full nights sleep for even 1 night always helped recharge me. I know that
you want to have more alone time with dh, but at this point, it just may not
be possible. I know that if I'm trying to accomplish something (like a
computer project or housecleaning, or alone time with dh) and the kids
interrupt, I get very frustrated and annoyed. But, if I change my goal from
the project to focusing on the kids (even if it means watching movies and
sitting on the couch or surfing the web) in between attending to their
needs, I am not as frustrated or annoyed when I have to stop what I'm doing
to deal with them. Does that make sense? As I said, I can't remember how
old your twins are, but gosh, for the first year or even a bit longer, even
with a singleton, you are just committed to 100% baby, all the time, pretty
much, and even moreso with two. I say just learn to go with it for now.
Surrender. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. LOL!

Sending hugs and good vibes to you and yours.
--

Jamie Clark

"butterflyluvr" wrote in message @s12g2000prg.googlegroups.com...
> Ok, I love being a mom, but these days I dread night-time and trying
> to get Kayla to go to sleep. Haley has great sleep habits and most
> nights will go to sleep between 8-9pm (and stay asleep) without a
> struggle. A lot of the time I can even put her in her crib still awake
> and she will smile up at me and then go to sleep on her own after I
> leave the room. I started off trying to get them to have a bedtime
> maybe about a month ago when I started figuring out their tired
> signals for naps and bedtime. Haley took to it after a little work and
> consistency, but Kayla is another story. For about 2 weeks straight I
> did the same bedtime routine with both of them. Bottle around 7pm,
> ready to go to sleep between 8-9pm. I would rock Haley first and put
> her down, then Kayla and put her down. Kayla would wake up after no
> more than 20 minutes so I would rock her back to sleep. She would
> continue to wake up for 2-4 hours straight before she finally gave up
> and stayed asleep for at least 3 hours. So we're talking for 2 weeks
> straight it would take me 2-4 hours each night (from about 8pm-
> midnight) to get Kayla to sleep. After those 2 weeks and no luck in
> getting her to see what bedtime means I threw in the towel. I am so
> frustrated. Now I just take her to bed with me and sneak her into her
> bed after she's asleep, but it's usually late which means no quality
> time for DH and I, and it makes for a very tired and drained mommy. I
> was just looking for about an hour of time with my DH at night before
> our bedtime, but that hasn't happened yet. I guess it's just
> frustrating because it would have happened by now if Kayla was as easy
> as Haley. And, then I hate it when people get annoyed at me for being
> frustrated because "I wanted this" - ugh! It doesn't mean I shouldn't
> still have the right to moan and groan over how hard it can be. And,
> even though I know there is no way an infant can be malicious
> sometimes I feel like she is secretly snickering under her breath
> because she's won - lol! Basically I think she really just wants to be
> in my bed and not in her crib (she's the most attached to me of the
> two), and I feel like I was not strong enough to see it through. Is
> she just not ready yet? I have tried not giving solids right before
> bed, making sure their nap or naps are at good times during the day so
> as not to interfere with bedtime, making sure they are not overtired
> at night, rolling blankets to tuck around their lower bodies,
> sometimes DH has better luck getting them to sleep (sometimes),
> etc..., etc... HELP!!! It is just emotionally draining after my day is
> over to have to deal with this every night. Also, Kayla is a major
> spitter upper after most every meal, while Haley has only spit up
> twice in the past month! I get puked on many times every day. And,
> even though it's usually a small amount each time in comparison to how
> much of her food she keeps down it is still very frustrating to smell
> like puke every day. Now, this may be part of why she has trouble
> going to sleep at night, but I think it is very suspicious that even
> on the occasional day that she doesn't have puking problems she still
> has sleeping problems, and even when her tummy seems upset she will
> most times go right to sleep in my bed. Even naps are difficult unless
> I lay with her in my bed first. I have decided to call her
> pediatrician tomorrow (he has been trying different things for her
> puking such as medication/gentleease formula, etc...). And, any tips
> or ideas from you guys would be much appreciated! Thanks for listening
> to my rant!
>
> Butterflyluvr
>
> P.S. Mid-post I had to get up three times to go put Kayla back to
> sleep - and the saga continues...!!!

KC · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 64

I know they must be pretty young still because of the spitting up still.
I'd try anything that works like letting her sleep in her swing while you
and dh have some time together. I found swings to be a great substitute for
mommy with my kids.

good luck,

KC

"butterflyluvr" wrote in message @s12g2000prg.googlegroups.com...
> Ok, I love being a mom, but these days I dread night-time and trying
> to get Kayla to go to sleep. Haley has great sleep habits and most
> nights will go to sleep between 8-9pm (and stay asleep) without a
> struggle. A lot of the time I can even put her in her crib still awake
> and she will smile up at me and then go to sleep on her own after I
> leave the room. I started off trying to get them to have a bedtime
> maybe about a month ago when I started figuring out their tired
> signals for naps and bedtime. Haley took to it after a little work and
> consistency, but Kayla is another story. For about 2 weeks straight I
> did the same bedtime routine with both of them. Bottle around 7pm,
> ready to go to sleep between 8-9pm. I would rock Haley first and put
> her down, then Kayla and put her down. Kayla would wake up after no
> more than 20 minutes so I would rock her back to sleep. She would
> continue to wake up for 2-4 hours straight before she finally gave up
> and stayed asleep for at least 3 hours. So we're talking for 2 weeks
> straight it would take me 2-4 hours each night (from about 8pm-
> midnight) to get Kayla to sleep. After those 2 weeks and no luck in
> getting her to see what bedtime means I threw in the towel. I am so
> frustrated. Now I just take her to bed with me and sneak her into her
> bed after she's asleep, but it's usually late which means no quality
> time for DH and I, and it makes for a very tired and drained mommy. I
> was just looking for about an hour of time with my DH at night before
> our bedtime, but that hasn't happened yet. I guess it's just
> frustrating because it would have happened by now if Kayla was as easy
> as Haley. And, then I hate it when people get annoyed at me for being
> frustrated because "I wanted this" - ugh! It doesn't mean I shouldn't
> still have the right to moan and groan over how hard it can be. And,
> even though I know there is no way an infant can be malicious
> sometimes I feel like she is secretly snickering under her breath
> because she's won - lol! Basically I think she really just wants to be
> in my bed and not in her crib (she's the most attached to me of the
> two), and I feel like I was not strong enough to see it through. Is
> she just not ready yet? I have tried not giving solids right before
> bed, making sure their nap or naps are at good times during the day so
> as not to interfere with bedtime, making sure they are not overtired
> at night, rolling blankets to tuck around their lower bodies,
> sometimes DH has better luck getting them to sleep (sometimes),
> etc..., etc... HELP!!! It is just emotionally draining after my day is
> over to have to deal with this every night. Also, Kayla is a major
> spitter upper after most every meal, while Haley has only spit up
> twice in the past month! I get puked on many times every day. And,
> even though it's usually a small amount each time in comparison to how
> much of her food she keeps down it is still very frustrating to smell
> like puke every day. Now, this may be part of why she has trouble
> going to sleep at night, but I think it is very suspicious that even
> on the occasional day that she doesn't have puking problems she still
> has sleeping problems, and even when her tummy seems upset she will
> most times go right to sleep in my bed. Even naps are difficult unless
> I lay with her in my bed first. I have decided to call her
> pediatrician tomorrow (he has been trying different things for her
> puking such as medication/gentleease formula, etc...). And, any tips
> or ideas from you guys would be much appreciated! Thanks for listening
> to my rant!
>
> Butterflyluvr
>
> P.S. Mid-post I had to get up three times to go put Kayla back to
> sleep - and the saga continues...!!!

Ellen · Joined: 16 Nov 2007 Posts: 12

I agree with Jamie in keeping her up longer than the baby who goes to
sleep easily. My boys are seven and they are still complete opposites
with sleep and have been since the day they were born. One falls
asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, the other it is STILL a
struggle to get him to stay in bed and quit screwing around, stalling,
etc. For years, I just put Alex to bed first, period. He falls right
asleep and *needs* more sleep than his brother. And as they got
older, Bradley gave up naps waaayyyyy before Alex, and still just does
not require as much sleep. Obviously your girls are still infants,
but I guess my point is that even at that young age, they may just
have different sleep needs. Maybe try keeping her up in the swing
after her sister goes to sleep?

Believe me, I feel for you and remember it like it was yesterday.
Just when you think you have them figured out, they'll change things
up on you and always keep you on your toes! Good luck Smile

Ellen
-------------
Erin 6/95
Bradley & Alex 10/00

lilyaipg · Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 92

Oh dear , don't feel bad for venting...
this is hard....I really don't have any more advice than you already
got...
hang in there, it will eventually get better when they're older...but
I know I need the few hours of quiet
before going to bed, so I understand your frustration...hope it gets
better real soon.

hugs
lily

Snittens · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 373

"butterflyluvr" wrote in message @s12g2000prg.googlegroups.com...
> Ok, I love being a mom, but these days I dread night-time and trying
> to get Kayla to go to sleep. Haley has great sleep habits and most
> nights will go to sleep between 8-9pm (and stay asleep) without a
> struggle. A lot of the time I can even put her in her crib still awake
> and she will smile up at me and then go to sleep on her own after I
> leave the room.

I can't remember how old yours are, but if they are over 6 months, you might
want to consider Cry It Out. I went through the EXACT same thing with
Ainsley. She would only fall asleep on me, and at first that was fine, she
would be asleep within 5 minutes and I would put her down, with a night
waking around midnight and I would put her in bed with me, and then she
would sleep till morning. Well, it became this saga of repeatedly holding
her, putting her down, she wakes, repeat this for an hour or two, then the
midnight waking and she would pull my hair and face, want to play, keep me
up for a few hours every night. I got to where it was making me angry and
resentful.

So at 9 months, I had had enough. One morning I saw Dr. Feber on the Today
show, and he was talking about holding your infant to sleep, and how it's
actually not fair to the baby. It would be the equivalent of if you fell
asleep in your bed and woke up on the kitchen floor. I felt like he was
saying "Kelly, stop holding Ainsley to sleep!". So, I decided to bite the
bullet and CIO. Backtrack a little, I had tried other things like just
holding her to sleep once and not coming back for the inevitable waking in 5
min, patting her back until she fell asleep, but none of that worked. First
I did CIO for the night waking, I couldn't do it all at once. That took a
few days, then I did it for holding to sleep, also a few days. I was going
to do it for naps too, but I didn't have to! CIO was the hardest thing I
had ever done, and you have to be mentally ready to do it. I had to do
total cold turkey, not going in with her because she expected to be picked
up. Don't give up after one day, or you do nobody any favors! It was the
hardest, but the best thing I have ever done.

Take care, hope things get better!

--
-Kelly
see my babies: http://snittens.shutterfly.com

April · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 157

I agree with Kelly. We finally had to CIO after trying lots of other
things. Abby's pedi said that eventually she has to learn to put herself to
sleep whether she is 1, 5, or 15. We had the same issues with holding her
to get her to sleep, then she would wake and blah blah blah. Once DH and I
had decided to do this (and promised that neither of us would let the other
run in there) we both kissed her goodnight, told her it was time to go to
sleep, made sure she had her buck, and put her in her crib. The first night
she cried (off and on) for 45 mins (I cried for an hour and a half), the
second night she cried for 20 mins, the third night she cried less than a
minute. She has been putting herself to sleep ever since. I felt HORRIBLE
about it at the time, but it was actully a good thing for us. Abby is great
about going to sleep, DH and I get some "us" time after Abby's bedtime, and
I don't dread putting her to bed anymore.

April
Mommy to Abby (10-02)

"Snittens" wrote in message @comcast.com...
>
> "butterflyluvr" wrote in message
> @s12g2000prg.googlegroups.com...
>> Ok, I love being a mom, but these days I dread night-time and trying
>> to get Kayla to go to sleep. Haley has great sleep habits and most
>> nights will go to sleep between 8-9pm (and stay asleep) without a
>> struggle. A lot of the time I can even put her in her crib still awake
>> and she will smile up at me and then go to sleep on her own after I
>> leave the room.
>
> I can't remember how old yours are, but if they are over 6 months, you
> might want to consider Cry It Out. I went through the EXACT same thing
> with Ainsley. She would only fall asleep on me, and at first that was
> fine, she would be asleep within 5 minutes and I would put her down, with
> a night waking around midnight and I would put her in bed with me, and
> then she would sleep till morning. Well, it became this saga of
> repeatedly holding her, putting her down, she wakes, repeat this for an
> hour or two, then the midnight waking and she would pull my hair and face,
> want to play, keep me up for a few hours every night. I got to where it
> was making me angry and resentful.
>
> So at 9 months, I had had enough. One morning I saw Dr. Feber on the
> Today show, and he was talking about holding your infant to sleep, and how
> it's actually not fair to the baby. It would be the equivalent of if you
> fell asleep in your bed and woke up on the kitchen floor. I felt like he
> was saying "Kelly, stop holding Ainsley to sleep!". So, I decided to bite
> the bullet and CIO. Backtrack a little, I had tried other things like
> just holding her to sleep once and not coming back for the inevitable
> waking in 5 min, patting her back until she fell asleep, but none of that
> worked. First I did CIO for the night waking, I couldn't do it all at
> once. That took a few days, then I did it for holding to sleep, also a
> few days. I was going to do it for naps too, but I didn't have to! CIO
> was the hardest thing I had ever done, and you have to be mentally ready
> to do it. I had to do total cold turkey, not going in with her because
> she expected to be picked up. Don't give up after one day, or you do
> nobody any favors! It was the hardest, but the best thing I have ever
> done.
>
> Take care, hope things get better!
>
>
> --
> -Kelly
> see my babies: http://snittens.shutterfly.com
>

butterflyluvr · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 128

On Feb 19, 8:17 am, "MareCat" wrote:
> {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}
>
> Vent away, dear! You've earned the right to do that. This parenting stuff is
> HARD! Wink

>
> We dealt with something similar with Kyra until she was about six months
> old. She wouldn't settle to sleep until midnight or so every night. (Once
> she finally fell asleep, though, she'd sleep straight through for about 10
> hours. Cammy was the one who would wake up a couple of times during the
> night for many months.) We'd have to feed Kyra at least 12 oz. before bed,
> and she would only sleep in a swing (she didn't transition to a crib until
> she was eight months old). DH and I didn't have any quality time at all,
> because we were up so late with Kyra and then had to crash right after she
> fell asleep. It's very hard, I know...
>
> You could try not picking Kayla up once you've laid her down in her crib the
> first time. When she wakes up 20 minutes later, go to the crib and rub her
> back, telling her it's night-night time and she needs to go back to sleep.
> (It's not actually having her cry it out, since you're not letting her cry
> all alone. She'll know that mommy/daddy is there for her, but now is the
> time for her to go back to sleep.) It might take several nights of doing
> this, but hopefully once she learns that she's not going to be picked up
> again and again, she'll start sleeping for longer stretches of time, until
> she's finally sleeping straight through.
>
> Also, you might want to pick up a copy of _The No-Cry Sleep Solution_, by
> Elizabeth Pantley. I found lots of good tips in that book.
>
> Good luck and hang in there!
>
> Mary
> --
> Mommy to three wonderful, IUI miracle girls:
> Rayna Marie (a.k.a. Bayne) 1/20/03 (@ 40 weeks, 8 lbs. 10 oz.)
> Kyra Nicole (a.k.a. Kere Bear) 9/20/06 (@ 37 weeks, 8 lbs. 4 oz.)
> Camille Elizabeth (a.k.a. Cammy) 9/20/06 (@ 37 weeks, 6 lbs. 3 oz.)
> New photos uploaded 1/26/08!http://s152.photobucket.com/albums/s167/MareCat/Jan08/
>
> "butterflyluvr" wrote in message
>
> @s12g2000prg.googlegroups.com...
>
>
>
> > Ok, I love being a mom, but these days I dread night-time and trying
> > to get Kayla to go to sleep. Haley has great sleep habits and most
> > nights will go to sleep between 8-9pm (and stay asleep) without a
> > struggle. A lot of the time I can even put her in her crib still awake
> > and she will smile up at me and then go to sleep on her own after I
> > leave the room. I started off trying to get them to have a bedtime
> > maybe about a month ago when I started figuring out their tired
> > signals for naps and bedtime. Haley took to it after a little work and
> > consistency, but Kayla is another story. For about 2 weeks straight I
> > did the same bedtime routine with both of them. Bottle around 7pm,
> > ready to go to sleep between 8-9pm. I would rock Haley first and put
> > her down, then Kayla and put her down. Kayla would wake up after no
> > more than 20 minutes so I would rock her back to sleep. She would
> > continue to wake up for 2-4 hours straight before she finally gave up
> > and stayed asleep for at least 3 hours. So we're talking for 2 weeks
> > straight it would take me 2-4 hours each night (from about 8pm-
> > midnight) to get Kayla to sleep. After those 2 weeks and no luck in
> > getting her to see what bedtime means I threw in the towel. I am so
> > frustrated. Now I just take her to bed with me and sneak her into her
> > bed after she's asleep, but it's usually late which means no quality
> > time for DH and I, and it makes for a very tired and drained mommy. I
> > was just looking for about an hour of time with my DH at night before
> > our bedtime, but that hasn't happened yet. I guess it's just
> > frustrating because it would have happened by now if Kayla was as easy
> > as Haley. And, then I hate it when people get annoyed at me for being
> > frustrated because "I wanted this" - ugh! It doesn't mean I shouldn't
> > still have the right to moan and groan over how hard it can be. And,
> > even though I know there is no way an infant can be malicious
> > sometimes I feel like she is secretly snickering under her breath
> > because she's won - lol! Basically I think she really just wants to be
> > in my bed and not in her crib (she's the most attached to me of the
> > two), and I feel like I was not strong enough to see it through. Is
> > she just not ready yet? I have tried not giving solids right before
> > bed, making sure their nap or naps are at good times during the day so
> > as not to interfere with bedtime, making sure they are not overtired
> > at night, rolling blankets to tuck around their lower bodies,
> > sometimes DH has better luck getting them to sleep (sometimes),
> > etc..., etc... HELP!!! It is just emotionally draining after my day is
> > over to have to deal with this every night. Also, Kayla is a major
> > spitter upper after most every meal, while Haley has only spit up
> > twice in the past month! I get puked on many times every day. And,
> > even though it's usually a small amount each time in comparison to how
> > much of her food she keeps down it is still very frustrating to smell
> > like puke every day. Now, this may be part of why she has trouble
> > going to sleep at night, but I think it is very suspicious that even
> > on the occasional day that she doesn't have puking problems she still
> > has sleeping problems, and even when her tummy seems upset she will
> > most times go right to sleep in my bed. Even naps are difficult unless
> > I lay with her in my bed first. I have decided to call her
> > pediatrician tomorrow (he has been trying different things for her
> > puking such as medication/gentleease formula, etc...). And, any tips
> > or ideas from you guys would be much appreciated! Thanks for listening
> > to my rant!
>
> > Butterflyluvr
>
> > P.S. Mid-post I had to get up three times to go put Kayla back to
> > sleep - and the saga continues...!!!- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

Mary ~ Thanks for the idea. The only thing I'm worried about is
messing up Haley's sleep since they share a room. Should I start out
doing that in my room at first until she's used to it or something?
Butterflyluvr

butterflyluvr · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 128

On Feb 19, 8:38 am, "Jamie Clark" wrote:
> Hugs Butterflyluvr. I think it must be doubly frustrating since you have
> *one* baby who is making parenting so easy, so you have a direct contrast to
> what it could be like for you, if you only had one baby, or if your twins
> had the same disposition. Where as if you only had 1 like Kayla or 2 with
> her disposition, you would know nothing different, you know?
>
> I have no real solutions for you, unfortunately. Some babies just need
> more/less sleep than others, or have different wake sleep cycles. I can't
> remember how old they are (sorry, I have mush for brains these days), but it
> may just be too soon for HER. I'd continue doing what you are doing for
> Haley, and at least take advantage of that easy bedtime sleep routine. Have
> you tried baths at night for Kayla? Sometimes a bath can help sooth and
> calm the baby. Another option would be to keep Kayla awake longer after you
> put Hayley to bed, perhaps another hour or two. Heck, if she's going to be
> up and down for the next few hours anyway, you might as well keep her up on
> purpose, and perhaps she'll not only be happier during those two hours and
> thus easier on you, but maybe then she'll be tired and more able to go to
> sleep at the later bedtime without as much work. I wouldn't worry at this
> point about the timing of her bedtime, but more of seeing if you can get her
> established into some sort of routine with it. Once she has a handle on the
> routine (even if part of the routine is rocking her until she is asleep and
> then putting her in the crib), then you can work on moving the bedtime up
> closer and closer to Haley's.
>
> Is there anyway that dh can take certain days on a regular basis, like every
> Friday/Saturday/Sunday night, so that you have a few nights off? DH used to
> take certain nights for me, and I'd go sleep in the guest room with ear
> plugs. I called it spending the night at Holiday Inn. Getting close to a
> full nights sleep for even 1 night always helped recharge me. I know that
> you want to have more alone time with dh, but at this point, it just may not
> be possible. I know that if I'm trying to accomplish something (like a
> computer project or housecleaning, or alone time with dh) and the kids
> interrupt, I get very frustrated and annoyed. But, if I change my goal from
> the project to focusing on the kids (even if it means watching movies and
> sitting on the couch or surfing the web) in between attending to their
> needs, I am not as frustrated or annoyed when I have to stop what I'm doing
> to deal with them. Does that make sense? As I said, I can't remember how
> old your twins are, but gosh, for the first year or even a bit longer, even
> with a singleton, you are just committed to 100% baby, all the time, pretty
> much, and even moreso with two. I say just learn to go with it for now.
> Surrender. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. LOL!
>
> Sending hugs and good vibes to you and yours.
> --
>
> Jamie Clark
>
> "butterflyluvr" wrote in message
>
> @s12g2000prg.googlegroups.com...
>
>
>
> > Ok, I love being a mom, but these days I dread night-time and trying
> > to get Kayla to go to sleep. Haley has great sleep habits and most
> > nights will go to sleep between 8-9pm (and stay asleep) without a
> > struggle. A lot of the time I can even put her in her crib still awake
> > and she will smile up at me and then go to sleep on her own after I
> > leave the room. I started off trying to get them to have a bedtime
> > maybe about a month ago when I started figuring out their tired
> > signals for naps and bedtime. Haley took to it after a little work and
> > consistency, but Kayla is another story. For about 2 weeks straight I
> > did the same bedtime routine with both of them. Bottle around 7pm,
> > ready to go to sleep between 8-9pm. I would rock Haley first and put
> > her down, then Kayla and put her down. Kayla would wake up after no
> > more than 20 minutes so I would rock her back to sleep. She would
> > continue to wake up for 2-4 hours straight before she finally gave up
> > and stayed asleep for at least 3 hours. So we're talking for 2 weeks
> > straight it would take me 2-4 hours each night (from about 8pm-
> > midnight) to get Kayla to sleep. After those 2 weeks and no luck in
> > getting her to see what bedtime means I threw in the towel. I am so
> > frustrated. Now I just take her to bed with me and sneak her into her
> > bed after she's asleep, but it's usually late which means no quality
> > time for DH and I, and it makes for a very tired and drained mommy. I
> > was just looking for about an hour of time with my DH at night before
> > our bedtime, but that hasn't happened yet. I guess it's just
> > frustrating because it would have happened by now if Kayla was as easy
> > as Haley. And, then I hate it when people get annoyed at me for being
> > frustrated because "I wanted this" - ugh! It doesn't mean I shouldn't
> > still have the right to moan and groan over how hard it can be. And,
> > even though I know there is no way an infant can be malicious
> > sometimes I feel like she is secretly snickering under her breath
> > because she's won - lol! Basically I think she really just wants to be
> > in my bed and not in her crib (she's the most attached to me of the
> > two), and I feel like I was not strong enough to see it through. Is
> > she just not ready yet? I have tried not giving solids right before
> > bed, making sure their nap or naps are at good times during the day so
> > as not to interfere with bedtime, making sure they are not overtired
> > at night, rolling blankets to tuck around their lower bodies,
> > sometimes DH has better luck getting them to sleep (sometimes),
> > etc..., etc... HELP!!! It is just emotionally draining after my day is
> > over to have to deal with this every night. Also, Kayla is a major
> > spitter upper after most every meal, while Haley has only spit up
> > twice in the past month! I get puked on many times every day. And,
> > even though it's usually a small amount each time in comparison to how
> > much of her food she keeps down it is still very frustrating to smell
> > like puke every day. Now, this may be part of why she has trouble
> > going to sleep at night, but I think it is very suspicious that even
> > on the occasional day that she doesn't have puking problems she still
> > has sleeping problems, and even when her tummy seems upset she will
> > most times go right to sleep in my bed. Even naps are difficult unless
> > I lay with her in my bed first. I have decided to call her
> > pediatrician tomorrow (he has been trying different things for her
> > puking such as medication/gentleease formula, etc...). And, any tips
> > or ideas from you guys would be much appreciated! Thanks for listening
> > to my rant!
>
> > Butterflyluvr
>
> > P.S. Mid-post I had to get up three times to go put Kayla back to
> > sleep - and the saga continues...!!!- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

Jamie ~ Lol! The past few nights I have not tried to get Kayla to go
back to sleep right away once she wakes up that first time. I just
bring her out to the couch and DH and I take turns holding her and
talking to her. I am way less stressed out. I still want to work on
getting her to understand bedtime, but at least for the short-term it
is nice to not spend what little time I could be hanging out with DH
putting and re-putting Kayla back to sleep. Butterflyluvr

butterflyluvr · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 128

On Feb 19, 9:39 am, "KC" wrote:
> I know they must be pretty young still because of the spitting up still.
> I'd try anything that works like letting her sleep in her swing while you
> and dh have some time together. I found swings to be a great substitute for
> mommy with my kids.
>
> good luck,
>
> KC
>
> "butterflyluvr" wrote in message
>
> @s12g2000prg.googlegroups.com...
>
>
>
> > Ok, I love being a mom, but these days I dread night-time and trying
> > to get Kayla to go to sleep. Haley has great sleep habits and most
> > nights will go to sleep between 8-9pm (and stay asleep) without a
> > struggle. A lot of the time I can even put her in her crib still awake
> > and she will smile up at me and then go to sleep on her own after I
> > leave the room. I started off trying to get them to have a bedtime
> > maybe about a month ago when I started figuring out their tired
> > signals for naps and bedtime. Haley took to it after a little work and
> > consistency, but Kayla is another story. For about 2 weeks straight I
> > did the same bedtime routine with both of them. Bottle around 7pm,
> > ready to go to sleep between 8-9pm. I would rock Haley first and put
> > her down, then Kayla and put her down. Kayla would wake up after no
> > more than 20 minutes so I would rock her back to sleep. She would
> > continue to wake up for 2-4 hours straight before she finally gave up
> > and stayed asleep for at least 3 hours. So we're talking for 2 weeks
> > straight it would take me 2-4 hours each night (from about 8pm-
> > midnight) to get Kayla to sleep. After those 2 weeks and no luck in
> > getting her to see what bedtime means I threw in the towel. I am so
> > frustrated. Now I just take her to bed with me and sneak her into her
> > bed after she's asleep, but it's usually late which means no quality
> > time for DH and I, and it makes for a very tired and drained mommy. I
> > was just looking for about an hour of time with my DH at night before
> > our bedtime, but that hasn't happened yet. I guess it's just
> > frustrating because it would have happened by now if Kayla was as easy
> > as Haley. And, then I hate it when people get annoyed at me for being
> > frustrated because "I wanted this" - ugh! It doesn't mean I shouldn't
> > still have the right to moan and groan over how hard it can be. And,
> > even though I know there is no way an infant can be malicious
> > sometimes I feel like she is secretly snickering under her breath
> > because she's won - lol! Basically I think she really just wants to be
> > in my bed and not in her crib (she's the most attached to me of the
> > two), and I feel like I was not strong enough to see it through. Is
> > she just not ready yet? I have tried not giving solids right before
> > bed, making sure their nap or naps are at good times during the day so
> > as not to interfere with bedtime, making sure they are not overtired
> > at night, rolling blankets to tuck around their lower bodies,
> > sometimes DH has better luck getting them to sleep (sometimes),
> > etc..., etc... HELP!!! It is just emotionally draining after my day is
> > over to have to deal with this every night. Also, Kayla is a major
> > spitter upper after most every meal, while Haley has only spit up
> > twice in the past month! I get puked on many times every day. And,
> > even though it's usually a small amount each time in comparison to how
> > much of her food she keeps down it is still very frustrating to smell
> > like puke every day. Now, this may be part of why she has trouble
> > going to sleep at night, but I think it is very suspicious that even
> > on the occasional day that she doesn't have puking problems she still
> > has sleeping problems, and even when her tummy seems upset she will
> > most times go right to sleep in my bed. Even naps are difficult unless
> > I lay with her in my bed first. I have decided to call her
> > pediatrician tomorrow (he has been trying different things for her
> > puking such as medication/gentleease formula, etc...). And, any tips
> > or ideas from you guys would be much appreciated! Thanks for listening
> > to my rant!
>
> > Butterflyluvr
>
> > P.S. Mid-post I had to get up three times to go put Kayla back to
> > sleep - and the saga continues...!!!- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

KC ~ I will have to try the swing again, she had started not liking it
so I kinda stopped putting her in it. But, maybe... They are almost 6
months old. Kayla has acid reflux and spits up a lot - she is on meds
for it. And, Haley NEVER spits up! Butterflyluvr

butterflyluvr · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 128

On Feb 19, 10:15 am, Ellen wrote:
> I agree with Jamie in keeping her up longer than the baby who goes to
> sleep easily. My boys are seven and they are still complete opposites
> with sleep and have been since the day they were born. One falls
> asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, the other it is STILL a
> struggle to get him to stay in bed and quit screwing around, stalling,
> etc. For years, I just put Alex to bed first, period. He falls right
> asleep and *needs* more sleep than his brother. And as they got
> older, Bradley gave up naps waaayyyyy before Alex, and still just does
> not require as much sleep. Obviously your girls are still infants,
> but I guess my point is that even at that young age, they may just
> have different sleep needs. Maybe try keeping her up in the swing
> after her sister goes to sleep?
>
> Believe me, I feel for you and remember it like it was yesterday.
> Just when you think you have them figured out, they'll change things
> up on you and always keep you on your toes! Good luck Smile

>
> Ellen
> -------------
> Erin 6/95
> Bradley & Alex 10/00

Ellen ~ I know huh?! Maybe it's not worth all the stress and hard work
at this point of trying to get a bedtime established for her if she's
just going to change on me anyway! Lol! Butterflyluvr

butterflyluvr · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 128

On Feb 20, 12:23 am, lilya...@yahoo.com wrote:
> Oh dear , don't feel bad for venting...
> this is hard....I really don't have any more advice than you already
> got...
> hang in there, it will eventually get better when they're older...but
> I know I need the few hours of quiet
> before going to bed, so I understand your frustration...hope it gets
> better real soon.
>
> hugs
> lily

Thanks Lily. I hope so too! Butterflyluvr

butterflyluvr · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 128

On Feb 20, 10:47 am, "Snittens" wrote:
> "butterflyluvr" wrote in message
>
> @s12g2000prg.googlegroups.com...
>
> > Ok, I love being a mom, but these days I dread night-time and trying
> > to get Kayla to go to sleep. Haley has great sleep habits and most
> > nights will go to sleep between 8-9pm (and stay asleep) without a
> > struggle. A lot of the time I can even put her in her crib still awake
> > and she will smile up at me and then go to sleep on her own after I
> > leave the room.
>
> I can't remember how old yours are, but if they are over 6 months, you might
> want to consider Cry It Out. I went through the EXACT same thing with
> Ainsley. She would only fall asleep on me, and at first that was fine, she
> would be asleep within 5 minutes and I would put her down, with a night
> waking around midnight and I would put her in bed with me, and then she
> would sleep till morning. Well, it became this saga of repeatedly holding
> her, putting her down, she wakes, repeat this for an hour or two, then the
> midnight waking and she would pull my hair and face, want to play, keep me
> up for a few hours every night. I got to where it was making me angry and
> resentful.
>
> So at 9 months, I had had enough. One morning I saw Dr. Feber on the Today
> show, and he was talking about holding your infant to sleep, and how it's
> actually not fair to the baby. It would be the equivalent of if you fell
> asleep in your bed and woke up on the kitchen floor. I felt like he was
> saying "Kelly, stop holding Ainsley to sleep!". So, I decided to bite the
> bullet and CIO. Backtrack a little, I had tried other things like just
> holding her to sleep once and not coming back for the inevitable waking in 5
> min, patting her back until she fell asleep, but none of that worked. First
> I did CIO for the night waking, I couldn't do it all at once. That took a
> few days, then I did it for holding to sleep, also a few days. I was going
> to do it for naps too, but I didn't have to! CIO was the hardest thing I
> had ever done, and you have to be mentally ready to do it. I had to do
> total cold turkey, not going in with her because she expected to be picked
> up. Don't give up after one day, or you do nobody any favors! It was the
> hardest, but the best thing I have ever done.
>
> Take care, hope things get better!
>
> --
> -Kelly
> see my babies:http://snittens.shutterfly.com

Kelly ~ This may be what we have to do eventually. I just stuggle with
how to do it with twins. It doesn't seem fair to Haley to let Kayla
cry in her ear when Haley doesn't have a problem going to sleep and
staying asleep. Is there a way I can do this in my bedroom at first,
or does that defeat the purpose? Butterflyluvr

butterflyluvr · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 128

On Feb 20, 12:04 pm, "April" wrote:
> I agree with Kelly. We finally had to CIO after trying lots of other
> things. Abby's pedi said that eventually she has to learn to put herself to
> sleep whether she is 1, 5, or 15. We had the same issues with holding her
> to get her to sleep, then she would wake and blah blah blah. Once DH and I
> had decided to do this (and promised that neither of us would let the other
> run in there) we both kissed her goodnight, told her it was time to go to
> sleep, made sure she had her buck, and put her in her crib. The first night
> she cried (off and on) for 45 mins (I cried for an hour and a half), the
> second night she cried for 20 mins, the third night she cried less than a
> minute. She has been putting herself to sleep ever since. I felt HORRIBLE
> about it at the time, but it was actully a good thing for us. Abby is great
> about going to sleep, DH and I get some "us" time after Abby's bedtime, and
> I don't dread putting her to bed anymore.
>
> April
> Mommy to Abby (10-02)
>
> "Snittens" wrote in message
>
> @comcast.com...
>
>
>
>
>
> > "butterflyluvr" wrote in message
> >@s12g2000prg.googlegroups.com...
> >> Ok, I love being a mom, but these days I dread night-time and trying
> >> to get Kayla to go to sleep. Haley has great sleep habits and most
> >> nights will go to sleep between 8-9pm (and stay asleep) without a
> >> struggle. A lot of the time I can even put her in her crib still awake
> >> and she will smile up at me and then go to sleep on her own after I
> >> leave the room.
>
> > I can't remember how old yours are, but if they are over 6 months, you
> > might want to consider Cry It Out. I went through the EXACT same thing
> > with Ainsley. She would only fall asleep on me, and at first that was
> > fine, she would be asleep within 5 minutes and I would put her down, with
> > a night waking around midnight and I would put her in bed with me, and
> > then she would sleep till morning. Well, it became this saga of
> > repeatedly holding her, putting her down, she wakes, repeat this for an
> > hour or two, then the midnight waking and she would pull my hair and face,
> > want to play, keep me up for a few hours every night. I got to where it
> > was making me angry and resentful.
>
> > So at 9 months, I had had enough. One morning I saw Dr. Feber on the
> > Today show, and he was talking about holding your infant to sleep, and how
> > it's actually not fair to the baby. It would be the equivalent of if you
> > fell asleep in your bed and woke up on the kitchen floor. I felt like he
> > was saying "Kelly, stop holding Ainsley to sleep!". So, I decided to bite
> > the bullet and CIO. Backtrack a little, I had tried other things like
> > just holding her to sleep once and not coming back for the inevitable
> > waking in 5 min, patting her back until she fell asleep, but none of that
> > worked. First I did CIO for the night waking, I couldn't do it all at
> > once. That took a few days, then I did it for holding to sleep, also a
> > few days. I was going to do it for naps too, but I didn't have to! CIO
> > was the hardest thing I had ever done, and you have to be mentally ready
> > to do it. I had to do total cold turkey, not going in with her because
> > she expected to be picked up. Don't give up after one day, or you do
> > nobody any favors! It was the hardest, but the best thing I have ever
> > done.
>
> > Take care, hope things get better!
>
> > --
> > -Kelly
> > see my babies:http://snittens.shutterfly.com- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

April ~ I will probably have to do this. My girls are almost 6 months
old. I will ask their pediatrician at their 6 month appointment if
they are old enough. Again though, should I start out with Kayla in my
room or what? I don't want to mess with Haley's already established
routine... Butterflyluvr

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